the one about the vanishing crock pot...

dear readers it did not take long for me to work out when the 'horrible deed' was done and by whom. the perpetrator of the crime ("gosh, Tif that's a very big word" you say, " i know, and i hope it means what i think it means") took drastic action when she (YES it was a SHE) heard her mother shout out "i have no idea what to cook for dinner so i am off to get a Thai takeout". it was at that moment the 'evil trickster' started to hatch her plan. picture the scene...

a mother, three happy smiling children (one man and child missing from picture) eating a lovely Thai meal. the mother rises from her seat and heads over to the cupboard that contains her beloved crock pot, thinking if she puts it on the side for the morning it will remind her that she is making her well known "leftovers meal" the next day.

oh readers, the scene was not pretty, it would not have been for the faint hearted or the ones amongst us with acute hearing...

(gasping) "OH MY GOD! A CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED IN MY KITCHEN CUPBOARD...SOMEBODY HAS STOLEN MY CROCK POT"

there after i flew around my house like a deranged banshee trying to unearth it...but to no avail.

when my man arrived home later that evening, i told him of the 'trauma' and 'ordeal' that i was going through ...

"there has been a crime committed in this house tonight" i said through sobs

"what, has someone eaten your birthday chocolate?" said he

"oh no," said i "it is far far worse than that, my crock pot (heavy sigh) is missing"

and instead of looking all horrified and upset at the situation as one would hope, a strange far off look appeared in his eyes and a hint of a smile crossed his mouth...

the culprit returned the crock pot later that evening, from the depths of her closet. i said no more would be spoken about the 'matter'.

after everyone was tucked up in bed, sleeping well knowing there was no worries for the next evening's meal. i took my 'trusty friend' and hid him well. "where's that then Tif" ah ha, clever old me, in the laundry room...as no one in my family seems to be aware of Mrs W. Machine and think clothes get cleaned magically by little fairies, i know i'm safe...(hahaha...evil cackle)

keeping her fingers crossed they accept her offer on the gray house ~ Tif

SOMEBODY HAS STOLEN MY CROCKPOT...

obituary of a mouse...

seven reasons why you will be missed little mouse...

1. you only cost a dollar and lived for three years, in my books that is value for money

2. you accepted the name 'Snoopy' with grace and never let on you were a girl to our #4

3. you survived three years in a household with three cats

4. you taught our #4 to show care and compassion for little creatures

5. you taught me that mice are lovely and very interesting, which i did not know before

6. you didn't eat much, which in my books is even more value for money

7. i will miss blaming the smell of my boys room on your tank and will have to wake up to the reality that in fact it is my boys and not you that stink

little mousey, as you ascend to the great Las Vegas in the sky, do not be afraid...you will make many new friends because as a mouse goes you are looking in pretty good shape for passing through those pearly gates...

she's off to visit a 'house' for the third time and getting quite excited ~ Tif

Mr Motivator, hear my cry...

what is wrong with me, i have counted back the days from when i closed my little shop and it is quite shocking how time has gone by. i have been caught up in the real world and house hunting, to the point that i have lost my motivation. i look around my house and every room there is an echo...the other day i drove up to my garage, accidentally pressed the garage door opener and half the contents of my garage fell out onto the drive...i need to refocus, i need to get motivated and i need to stop with the procrastinating (my extra special talent)...

as i am still looking for a house, i am not prepared to unpack anything...i hear cries from around the house "i need a photo for a project from when i was a baby", "i need a math book" or "i would like to play a board game" to which i reply "bad luck, it's in the garage", "i'm not unearthing it" or worse still "no games to play, go watch TV"...oh the horrors of a 'Mother trying to Move'...i do not like what i am turning into...things like "don't touch the wall", "pick up those smelly socks" or "who's 'left-over remains' in my living room does this belong to" have become day to day vocabulary to me...

my man told me a few days back that there were two things i had to do, 1. find another house and 2. unpack my studio and get back to work...he is so very right i know. so i have given myself two weeks of house hunting and then if nothing comes of it, Autumn will be setting in and we will bed down for the Winter and start again in Spring. then i will refocus, i will unpack my studio and i will stop PROCRASTINATING...

and as this little blog of mine is supposed to be some what crafty orientated and it has been sadly lacking in a lot of that for a while, i thought i would share a little project that i worked on as i 'licked my wounds' over the yellow house (last time i mention those two words...you don't believe me do you). to stop the echoing in the dining room that i now own, that have no use for but can't quite be bothered to haul the table back up the stairs to my studio, i decided upon a tablecloth.

so with a mixture of old linens, doilies, a pillowcase (sent from my lovely cyber friend Laura) and an old retro tablecloth, i went about cutting, patching and stitching...am wondering if there is a market out there for such tablecloths...when my long lost 'motivation' returns

off to sweep up the dog hair in her echoey house and thanking you all for the birthday wishes ~ Tif

strike three and you're out...

i know dear readers the scene of Tif brutally "beating" her 'poor paper donkey' so viciously with her wooden kitchen spoon maybe disturbing for some of you...

but if i told you at the time of "smashing" my birthday pinata that i was thinking about a certain 'seller' of a certain empty yellow house...

and that the aforementioned 'seller' has chosen to withdraw from a contract...

and that the said 'seller' will no longer be selling his lonely yellow house to us ...

i think you can understand why it only took three strikes to break the poor donkey's neck...

and the treasure,

ah yes the treasure...it was all a girl could ask for in life, chocolate and money...

looking again for the perfect house...(she knows it's out there somewhere) ~ Tif

now we are 39...

so Tif, you have made it...how does it feel?

i'd be lying if i didn't tell you it scares me to have reached such a big number and so flipping quickly, but i know that i am a fortunate 'being' and must count the blessings i have had in my life so far. i am happy, healthy and relatively sane. if all i have to moan about is a sagging bottom, some serious laughter lines (and scowling ones too) and a nice crop of gray hair, then it is true to say i am one lucky duck to be turning 39...

according to the WISE chinese fortune-telling book i happened upon while out and about this week, if you are born on September 20th...

you are individual and original. you always do the unexpected in an unusual way. you are welcome in the society of cultured people. you like personal attention and you can be led by someone who understands you

well, i had no idea that i was welcomed in the society of 'cultured people'...i must try much harder to loiter in places where cultured people wander and test this theory.

as to the 'individual and original' bit...i'll take that any day quite happily.

i believe my man 'understands' me (well, most of the time).

'personal attention' well don't we all wish for a bit of that every now and then and what better day than a birthday...i tested this out by staying very very quiet about my 'BIG NUMBERED' day, not mentioning it to anyone in the house to see if they would remember...and i am very pleased to announce that they did not forget me!!! and more excitedly i got a 'PINATA'...i had no idea until today that all i had ever wanted was a pinata for my birthday...isn't it amazing what you carry on learning about yourself...

so in celebration of my 39 years i have penned a wee birthday poem (actually ripped off a wonderful, well known little number)...it doesn't rhyme or read right, but who cares, i've decided that when you are accepted in 'cultured society' you can write any old thing and it's "perfect darling"

when i was nine, i broke my wrist and not much more

when i was nineteen i lived in splendid student squalor with my man

when i was twenty nine i was a mother of three and one on the way

but now i am thirty nine i am all grown up and think i will stay here for ever and ever...

off to find out what treasures are lurking in her pinata and repeat her new phrase "love your life" over and over again ~ Tif

rainny days and monday...(courtesy of the Carpenters)

moving swiftly on from my letter to Rowan, and not thinking about my fight with the 'slugs from hell' that seem to have decided to target me in the past few weeks...i'm not talking about some little 'mamby pamby' slugs here, oh no, i'm talking about those great big banana slugs over 4" or 5" long. they have demolished all the lovely orange marigolds our #4 planted and are now working their way through the white pansies. i have never bought 'slug killer' stuff before but i think i am being tested beyond all limits with tolerating them. it is probably because i don't like to kill them that they have 'homed' in on me and asked their friends and families to move in as well...i think i have reached breaking point, it's just a matter of time before i buy myself some slug killing potion from the store..

i have distracted myself from the 'slug ball' that is going on outside my front door by dusting down Miss Margery and unearthing some doilies and lace. my first project... the skirt with the bleach dots...my 'most favorite skirt' in the world that i so foolishly ruined has now become my 'even more favoriter skirt' in the world...i decided to go with the doilies and appliqued them on with some cartwheel stitching...

while i was at it, i jazzed up a linen skirt from NoaNoa that had lovely pockets on the front but you just couldn't see them, so with a bit of hand embroidery i forever captured my favorite Carpenters song...

and then i turned my attention to a 'school uniform' cardi i picked up in the UK this summer from good old H&M...oh how i wish we had this store here. i changed out the buttons and added a little bit of lace at the back of the neck...

continuing to raid her closet for more willing 'victims' ~ Tif

why oh why...

dear Rowan Yarn,

i have fallen for your charms for sometime now, however when one has spent the equivalent of a year's mortgage payment on your yarns and pattern books, i feel i am slightly justified in penning this letter.

you produce lovely pattern books to tempt me and i fall for it every time..."ok Tif" i say to myself "it can't be that hard" or "umm, the sweater with the million different colors looks tricky, the cost of the yarn is nearly $175, it will take me three years to complete, by which time i will hate the thing with a passion, but why don't i give it a go anyway".

to use a metaphor, i am possibly not the brightest light bulb in the drawer when it comes to knitting, crocheting and pattern reading, but i am quite sure that i am not the dimmest either. for arguments sake, i put myself somewhere between a '60w' and a '100w'.

so could you please tell me, is there a secret code book that i have failed to notice on the shelf next to the pattern books? the patterns are so abbreviated that they are missing vital information that the average 'light bulb' requires to knit

i fear i am not alone here, i own a very intelligent mother who knitted all through the 80's (remember the fashion for ribbon cotton knits) i put her in the '120w and above 'category. she too is "making it up" as she goes along with the 'Rowan Cowl Neck' sweater i put a request in for...

so dear Rowan in future could you possibly find it in your heart to print two versions of each pattern book,

Version #1. for the bright light bulbs ~ lots of abbreviations and no row numbers

Version #2. for the dimmer/average light bulbs ~ a book three times thicker than Version #1 containing ALL the instructions including the old fashioned way of writing 'row 1' 'row 2' 'row 3' etc

thanking you in advance for your attention to this matter.

in the meantime i shall continue to knit only patterns that call for rectangles and squares, e.g. cushion covers and leave the sweaters to my mother, who phoned me this week and announced "that's the last bloody rowan pattern i'm doing, and you will wear this sweater even if you look like a sack of potatoes in it..."

yours sincerely,

a 'Rowan yarn addict' needing therapy, Tif

a skip in my step...

maybe it's because i fixed up my website...

maybe it's because wide leg trousers are in the stores...

maybe it's because i've been doing a bit of this...

maybe it's because i have gone from this to this...

or maybe it's just 'because'

finding the 'skip' in her step is coming back ~ Tif

sitting here in limbo...

and so i have called on all my 'avoidance' skills and ignored the cyber nightmare for four whole days...until my friend Laurie came round today and took a look and said "Tif, it is quite clear that you need to do something about your website"...we messed around with it for a while and then it became even clearer that i had completely forgotten how i even put the thing together in the first place. obviously i did not retain any information in my long term memory and it is completely blank...have decided to do some more 'avoiding' until my man gets home to help.

in the meantime, i thought we would have a little look at a few things that have been distracting me of late, and in turn making everything in 'neglected cyber world' to go so wrong...

first, the yellow house...ah yes, the very thing that is causing my 'downfall' at the moment. i have spent the past week visiting first with the inspector and then with various qualified people who 'umm' and 'ahh' at the problems that need fixing and then give us a quote...then we go back and start negotiating again. i don't hold out much hope this time, it took a long time before, so i have a feeling it could be the end of the road for this house, but we will see. the extent of it's problems are pretty major.

put it this way, the inspector said as he was writing up his notes on the 'major defects' page, "i haven't written this much in ages" ...if we end up in the yellow house, it won't be yellow for long, apart from a lot of other things that need to be fixed, the siding has to come down...

whilst i was waiting around i took a few snap shots, one of the kitchen, which will have to come out. it doesn't look so bad in the photo, but as my friend Laurie said "wow, it looks much better in the picture than real life!", that tells you a lot. secondly, the vanity sink downstairs...i like this sink, i think it will stay, (wallpaper will go) although now i look closely i am wondering if the fake green marble affect has just been painted on!!

now, while all this has been going on at the yellow house, i have been putting our present house into a state of 'ready to market'...this room is now the one that greets potential buyers as they walk through the door.

it originally just had sofas and musical instruments in it, so i have worked on making it look like a dinning room again...i even covered the chairs in my favorite tablecloth, all the time imagining them in the yellow house...opposite to the dinning space is the front room...

looking far smarter than before. so my plan is, whoever walks through the door will see these spaces and go "i have to buy this house, it is perfect for me" and that will be that..oh and preferably on the first day
when i look at these pictures i really can't believe that i am trying to move from this neat, clean, large space to a rambling, quirky, fixer-upper...

on a more crafty note, i have begun to tire of having my studio packed away and everything inaccessible...so i have decided to turn my attention to my clothes and what i can do to customize them, so far i have two willing victims...

victim #1...sadly my favorite skirt in the whole world that got ruined by bleach...i must confess that i do not use bleach to clean my house, however the need to rid the sliders on my windows of mold and mildew meant drastic action had to be taken...and i took that action dressed in my favorite skirt and with a borrowed bottle of clorox. that will teach me to mess around with the enviroment...

victim #2...a lovely pale pink wool skirt by NOA NOA that i have had for several years, it was a victim of a rogue moth last year (i say that quietly as i caught another one yesterday sniffing around my lovely new yarn). the moth hole in this skirt caused me to tear my closet apart in a frantic state of madness, trying to unearth the little horrors. "why oh why" i cried to myself "do you have to frigging choose my expensive skirt, why can't you choose the cheap crappy skirt hanging next to it" but alas, moths do have a certain taste for quality...anyhow i have decided to dye this one with a color called 'black plum' which was spotted on the clearance aisle recently...i have taken a risk that it was 'end of line' rather than past it's 'dye date'...which reminds me, i cleared my fridge out on Saturday while trying to avoid thinking about the cyber world, i found a barbecue marinading sauce (opened) with a 'sell by date' of June 2004, i was just entertaining the idea of combining it with my 'crock pot' when our #2's eyes alighted upon it and all hell broke loose about what else could be lurking in the fridge..

off to see what Mrs W. Machine has done with her wool skirt and an old packet of dye ~ Tif

an inspector calls...

i woke up this morning with a skip in my step, after all i had several 'crafty' things to think about, first my latest copy of Selvedge had turned up in the mail and secondly i had managed to visit the yarn shop yesterday. that could only mean that today was going to be a lovely day of kids in school and me with my reading material and knitting supplies, sigh...

but it soon turned out to be not such a lovely morning and i am not quite as excited anymore...in fact i am at the point of renaming my blog to something along the lines of "a few easy steps to living the life of a mad woman" or maybe "how to mess up every time when you aren't even trying" or perhaps "overwhelmed and under qualified"...of course i have broken one of my blogger rules just be typing this little section. my blogger rule book in my head clearly states "#1. do not post on your blog under any circumstances if you are on the verge of a breakdown." very sensible advice i think... well i have blown that one sky high....so please i ask who ever it is that looked down on me this morning and thought this would be amusing, i have news for you...it isn't.

so it would appear i have made a big blunder (that is putting it mildly)...allow me to explain dear readers, a few weeks back i decided to put all my flickr pictures to private. for sometime now i have been contacted by lots of lovely crafters out there wanting to be 'buddies' and that's just fine by me...however i really didn't want to be 'buddies' with men that get their kicks from wearing slips and other things. i'm sorry if i offend anyone but i just don't want to be dealing with looking at profiles and photos through half squinted eyes case i see something i don't want to, let alone my kids coming across it all..."no problem" i said to myself, i will just spend hours putting everything to private. oh the fool that i am, i have been so caught up in vacations, kids, house buying and everything else that i didn't check my little basic website...

for the past few weeks or even longer my little website (which really is rather sad) hasn't had any pictures on it, just nice lovely big rectangles saying "this photo is currently unavailable"...oooh how professional looking. then to add to this situation i am alerted to the 'problem' by readers of a newspaper that ran the Etsy article from way back when, TODAY!!...am i a twit or what, it never occurred to me that these articles appear all over the place and now lovely people on the east coast are frustrated as hell with me and i can see why...no decent website, etsy shop closed...it really is a rubbish kind of day. "Tif" you say "quickly go change your photos to public and it will all be sorted out", oh if only it were that easy. i did that and it still doesn't show up on my website because the URL changes...and while we are at it i have managed to mess up all my archives on my little blog....oh and did i mention the inspector did his thing on the yellow house and let's just say he took my "rose colored" spectacles right off dropped them on the ground and crushed them under his boot...

i have resorted to 'fines' if i find any piles in our current house as it is an uphill struggle to keep this house in a marketable state...so far 'used dog' owes me two dollars for spilling her bowl of dried food...

oh yes, she's screwing up left, right and center... and oh no, she won't be knitting today ~ Tif

see, even the frigging 'spacers' and 'lines' are against me...

and the winner is...

i am back and i have to tell you that i have experienced a miracle. (or i am living the life of a soap character) but i am going with the former...after living for several days in the deepest corner of my 'pit of despair' ( thanking you kindly for all your support) i have been thrown a life line, along with it a large band-aid to patch up my broken heart.

someone or something (i like to think my guardian angel had a small part to play) made the seller of the empty sad yellow house see the light and realize that it is my destiny to live in it. yes dear readers, you are learning just like me that miracles can happen. the seller came back to us, on our terms and it is full steam ahead...i feel like i am living on a roller coaster of emotions these days, and quite frankly i am looking forward to getting off soon, and i am sure you are too!

the next loop on the ride is "the inspection" which will be carried out in a day or two, (shall aim to get some pics for you) and then if we don't fall off it is on to the "putting my house on the market" slow climb beginning of next week and if that all goes according to plan and we get to the top of the hill it is just one long whizz to the finish, where we can all get off, feeling sick but smugly pleased with ourselves for making it through...

in celebration of getting back on track i unearthed my knitting books and flicked through to find something suitable to make for the yellow house (once again counting my chickens before they hatch)...i found this page in my Sarah Dallas Book,

the whole room is just perfect for the yellow house, i showed it to our #3 who quietly marvelled at it and continued playing the game console (wise child), i then showed it to my man who's comment was "those chairs with the cushions look really uncomfortable" (foolish man)...i will not allow his words to cast a shadow on my new found happiness...and so i shall proceed to knit some cushions to occupy my thoughts and calm my nerves over the coming weeks..

in the meantime, i am way way over due on some seriously important "thank yous" and i plan to get through them a bit at a time, but i must announce the winner of the 'cushion give away'...this was so tricky and i wish i had said i would pick it out of a hat. everyone had a tale to tell that i think we could all relate to...but i ended up going with Lily because she made me spill my cup of tea i was laughing so much (obviously before my heart cracked). not so much the nightmare of moving but 'life after the move' ...drop me a line at my email Lily and this cushion will be winging it's way to you promptly!

trying to remember exactly where her knitting needles have been packed away and looking forward to a trip to the yarn shop, leaving you with Lily's 'moving' story ~ Tif

here's my story...

1. 5 years ago, we happily bought our first home. it was owned by an old lady with lots of cats.

2. we discovered cats under our house.

3. after about 6 months the orange one came back and died on our driveway, very sad..

4. whenever we have the lights on in the front living room her black cat comes back and sprays on our front door. this happens even if the lights are only on for 5 mins. the cat must be watching our home.

5. five years later this still happens. we had to move our living room into the dining room (which we only use for large gatherings) and not use the front room.last year thanksgiving dinner with family in dining room (front room). i was thinking, no the cat is not coming tonight...i was wrong, i was horrified when i smelled the combination of fish guts and urine in the dining room and everyone was saying "what's that smellll?

6. yes, five years later, i'm still a prisoner in my own home cuz of that black cat.

7. i've grown to like the cats now, cuz my little boy likes to put on his frog boots to go chase them in the yard and then he'll say "oh they'll be back".Lily