taking a trip...

in a few days, i will be leaving the safety of my 'nest' and heading across the pond to the comfort of my parents 'nest' on the delightful coastline of devon.

after a wee while i will pack my bags and travel to the outskirts of the 'big smoke' to spend time with my pal Debbie who in her hour of need, requires 'moi and my magic paint brush' to help her feather her 'new nest'

i can't promise you sunshine, i can't promise you laughter, i can't promise you good times, but i can promise you lots of 'quotation marks'...

so if you fancy joining me and my over sized underpants (just in case of emergency landings) then i welcome you to walk a mile (or fly thousands) in my shoes and start packing your little 'cyber' bags...

bon voyage and she'll see you (god willing), tippity tapping on her dad's keyboard in good old blighty on wednesday ~Tif

me and my addiction...

it would appear that for nearly two years i could be accused of committing a cyber crime...

our #1 sent me this article

and she said (and i quote) "mum, i didn't even bother to read this...i just saw the title and knew it was talking about you"

i read it and my little heart sank.

yes, i am a 'quotation abuser' of the worst kind. i can't help it, i like the extra little frilly bits on the keyboard that help to decorate my ramblings, without them i would remain 'mute'...

this is not the first time i have read about this condition of mine. my man told me a few months back about blogs that point the finger at people like myself, accusing us of crimes commited against the english language...making us feel unworthy of our space in blogland, making us doubt our abilities.

the rest of the day passed in a blur of 'self doubt' and being plaqued by thoughts of giving up my happy place. my little blog, that has helped me feel like i am a little bit 'okay' is now making me feel like i am a sinner, a wrong doer...

i went to bed with a nagging voice inside of me saying "you know what it said Tif, it said a good writer does not rely on quotations to express themselves...face it Tif, it told you plain as day...if you use quotes in your writing then you are a crap writer"

i woke this morning with it playing heavy on my mind, how is it that something written by someone else has such an impact on me, makes me doubt myself so easily...why do they feel they have a right to judge me and my 'quotation addiction'.

then it came to me dear readers, when in the past two years of ramblings have i ever stood up and called myself a writer?

"never" i hear you cry,

"say it again dear readers"

"never"

"thank you" i reply

and before i rest my case may i just add, just to make it really clear.

i have never given myself the title of writer, maybe mother, wife, daughter, crafter, 'shit shoveller' and 'vomit picker upper' to animals and crap cook but never, ever 'WRITER'.

so there we have it, i will carry on my abusive ways and not give two brass monkeys as to whether i offend the english language connoisseurs because let it be known to all that care to read my twitterings from time to time...(to which i thank you by the way)

i am a 'creative rambler of words' with an addiction to 'quotation marks' and i'm proud of it

she's glad she got that off her chest ~ Tif

i've stopped 'procrastinating' and am now busy 'creating'...

she is thinking 'time off' for good behavior...mmm, maybe a little excursion is in order ~ Tif

monday monday...

i am very busy and super importantly, procrastinating this morning...it always seems to happen to me on a monday. the shed is emptied of noisy occupants and i am left just with my thoughts and 'used' dog for company. she too feels it...taking a long time to 'wake up', it is now nearly 11am and she has yet to 'get up'...i do feel extremely lucky to have a dog that doesn't require a 'crack of dawn' pee, but prefers to just sleep in on her thrift store blanket...not sure how i got to be so blessed but i must have done something good somewhere...

now i should being doing some sewing

but instead i am surrounded by piles of laundry that i started yesterday morning, Miss W. Machine is on the blink and has taken to leaving all items in her care extremely soaky...Mrs Dryer in return is staging a protest and refusing to extract any moisture from 'said soggy' mess. i fear i will have to go 'shopping' for a newer model. she has, bless her given me many years of faithful service, but ever since we moved a year ago, she really hasn't felt herself.

i have been in denial, making excuses for her...saying things like "i understand, the weather effects me as well" or "that's okay you take it easy, we'll just wear our 'used' underpants for one more day until you feel better"...but enough is enough, action must be taken for the sake of my children and their underpants.

the thing is, and let this be a lesson to all who are foolishly about to tread down the path that i 'trod' down many years ago.

do not give appliances names...

you name them, you give them feelings, then when they are 'no longer' pulling their weight , you can't give them up because you feel crappy about it...i must be strong though, a job that should take me one day a week is now taking me a two and a half...so i shall be taking myself down to our local appliance store to find a newer model (doesn't that sound heartless...'trading in' for a 'newer' model. ooh that's got to hurt the old gal).

i don't require 'bells or whistles'...i just want a machine that has easy to follow buttons (thus dismissing the need to read a manual) and if i find such a machine i will read her the 'terms of employment' (being which i have listed below) and if she accepts, i hope to live happily ever after with my new machine...

1. to wash, (most importantly) without complaint, all types of laundry perfectly. whether it be 'delicates' or 'soccer kits' and if i happen to press a wrong button, to automatically correct this 'faux pas'...

2. to 'dye' slips perfectly without blotches or streaks and to 'self clean' afterwards when i forget

3. to not 'squeak loudly' like Mrs W. Machine had a tendency to do when she was in pain

4. to try and look less like a big white appliance and more like a handcrafted decorative item.

and in return i promise

1. to give you a name

2. to promptly wipe up all cat sick that appears on you at random times of the day and night (oops, did i mention the cats sleep on top of you)

3. to not 'shout loudly' when you don't miraculously clean soccer gear spotless because i put it in on a 'delicate 2 minute cycle', it isn't your fault that you have an owner that doesn't read manuals

4. to put a pretty 'something' on your door, perhaps maybe along the lines of this, to make you feel loved and 'creative' as you 'do your thing'...

now if i can just get past my feelings of 'guilt' about Miss W. Machine...

she's thanking you kindly for the 'thrifting' support...and oh blimey fancy that, it's nearly wednesday again, 'turn left' day is here again! ~ Tif

me and my 'donna noble' moment...

i approached the junction, turning my indicator to 'right' but then it happened..."silly me" i said out loud..."silly, silly, silly, silly me..."

maybe it was temporary snow blindness, perhaps a foggy brain from left over flu or quite possibly too many 'paint fumes' in my little body, who knows what caused me to lose my way, to faulter from the 'path of righteousness'...the path of 'goodness and thriftyness'...it all became quite clear.

"i thrift, therefore i am"...oh, the wise words from our ancient history, someone, somewhere in time, oh so long ago muttered those very words and i remember that moment all too well, 4th year history class "i thrift, therefore i am" and that was it, a whole new path in life was laid before me...

and so i switched my indicator to the left and the lights turned green. it was all so very simple, going to the thrift store was not a 'recreational' visit as 'my clan' view it,

no, it is a quite obviously a 'business trip' of the utmost importance, without it i would not be able to 'dottie angel' the world, one treasure at a time.

so what i was thinking in making my 'resolution #3' was total madness. not to mention the health implications of such a 'display of abstaining'...my health would start to suffer ("but Tif" i hear you ask "don't you get allergies from the thrift store?"...ahh, very observant of you dear readers, but let's just ignore that little detail for now eh?). without my regular dose of 'thrifting' i would start to become a 'recluse', become 'withdrawn'...talk to myself all the time and not just some of the time...the list could go on, all heading towards a 'tragic decline of Tif'...

i pulled up to my destination, feeling a little light headed...but i stilled my beating heart by thinking of all your voices saying "turn left, turn left"...i went inside and started my usual rounds...in the furniture dept i found it, lonely and neglected...oh yes, the treasure who's destiny could have been quite different if i had turned right. it was in my stars to turn left and save this little lost soul...

interestingly i was not the only one to see it's potential.

as i staked claim to my little prize, the man circled my area...looking at other items but all the while keeping one eye on me and my 'find'. i felt like a mother and her baby gazelle trapped by a hungry lion...my new 'baby' was too heavy to pick up and too big to fit in my cart. i needed to get help but that would mean leaving my 'baby gazelle' for the lion to take it's opportunity and pounce...

i left my cart close by and took three steps away, he took three steps closer...it was no good i was going to have to come up with a better plan...i moved back to claim 'my baby' once again and then it came to me. "ha" i said (not super loudly cause i'm rubbish at confrontation, but just enough to let him know who was going home with a baby gazelle tonight)...i crouched down, removed the drawers, placed them in my cart and went off to find help...leaving him looking at the 'carcass' with it's 'inners' missing.

so my little mid century modern 'treasure' who was in a sorry state, (due to the previous owner requiring 'glitter, markers, chewing gum and stickers' in her life), is feeling much better since receiving some 'TLC' from me...and setting up residence in my studio

...and i promise from this day forth to always "turn left" on a wednesday, so other little 'baby gazelles' maybe be saved from a life of 'neglect'...

she's thinking you maybe having India Rose withdrawals ~ Tif

first real test...

if you recall (and if you do then you get a gold star, you know the ones...just like your primary school teacher would stick in your exercise book and write 'V. Good' next to it. at last you had worked out which way round a 'b' and a 'd' go and she no longer would have to tear her hair out and go home reaching for the gin bottle...)

and so we must recall a time before the 'snow storm' to end all 'snow storms' hit 'the shed'...as we prepared to 'batten down the hatches' not knowing at the time that it would snow for 'nine days and nine nights' (okay so it did stop every now and then but i'm telling you it was a lot of snow, especially for a wee brit like myself)...so do you recall i started a yarn project...

well i finished the project before christmas but with only being granted a few hours of internet access on christmas eve (a small miracle i believe) before it was so cruely snatched from us for another week (including access to tv and phone...yes, yes...it would be true with the snow as well, i do believe we could almost have been living a 'little house on the prairie' existence. i really am doing a lot of digressing...i put it down to 'chocolate' withdrawal. i did succumb to my addiction yesterday, but less than the usual quoter was digested therefore my body is still going through a transitional stage of 'trauma')

so here it is...modelled by the 'ever so lovely' Mabel

my little 'scarflet' that i based upon my lovely friend Debbie's scarflet...i am most pleased with the results and once again have proven to myself that if i don't follow a pattern and make it up...i always finish the project and it always seems to 'work out'...

tonight, will be another 'test of strength' in my growing battle against my new year resolutions...yes, dearest readers it is 'dance night'...and you know what that means don't you? my usual night for thrifting. i can see it now, i will tip out our #2 and leave the parking lot, turn onto the main road and then stop at the 'lights'.

right there, at that precise moment i will feel just like Donna Noble from Doctor Who...she sat at the 'T-junction' and had to make a decision as to whether to turn left or turn right. a decision with massive consquences...turning one way would cause the end of the universe, turning the other way would save the universe.

i can see this will be me tonight...fighting the urge to turn left, just in case there is a 'never been seen before, i must have you treasure' at the thriftstore with my name on it which needs to 'be saved'...or do i turn right, taking the road to 'the shed' and 'my kitchen' that will need clearing up after another unsuccessful 'trying to be fabulous' cooking fiasco...

she's wondering if she is strong enough to avoid temptation of the 'thrifty kind'...and also why her 'vegetarian broccoli pasta bake' from last night did not receive a standing ovation from those who sampled it ~ Tif

revenge is sweet...

if you are sitting comfortably, and quite possibly with a choccy bar in hand then i shall begin...

"what can it be?" her man asked, busy shaking the 'craftily...ney, splendidly' wrapped gift that he found under the tree on christmas morning.

"perhaps it's a star wars clone trooper blah blah blah, i have been secretly hoping for"...

Tif gave a sweet smile, admiring her man's ability to be enthusiastic about his gift despite the onset of flu...

he got 'to work' unwrapping the gift, all the while muttering about star wars and then considering the weight of the gift, rethinking his initial 'guess' and realizing it wasn't going to be what he had hoped for...

sneakily, Tif had wrapped the gift in more than one layer of paper, adding to the anticipation of the moment...all the children sat rooted to the spot, putting aside their gifts...for they knew what 'treasure' lay below the wrapping and just like Tif, were looking forward to the reaction...

the final layer ripped from the box and before her man lay a gift to end all "crappy birthday gifts for the rest of her life"...

a toaster...

(dearest readers, i must just butt in here and say from now on in this little 'tale that needs to be told' it is quite possible for you to replace the word 'toaster' for the word 'panini maker' and yes honestly, we could be right back where this tale began on my 40th birthday)

"don't you remember, a few weeks ago you said we needed a new toaster...so i knew you would be delighted with it" hardly taking a breath and with an exaggerated, ironic 'happy' voice, Tif continued her 'pay back'..."oooh, and if you look it's chrome, which i felt gave it a retro feel which i know you like so much and also i thought it would be such fun to make toast on a saturday for lunch"

"very good" her man laughed "i understand"

(before you go, let me tell you this is not where the sorry tale ends though... there is a 'finale' to the 'crappy gift giving' moment)

thinking it couldn't get any worse, he took out the toaster from it's box only to find it's gleaming chrome exterior to be tarnished with finger prints and bread crumbs abound in the slots...it would appear his christmas gift had already been 'gifted' before...and returned

she's already broken 'resolution #6' ~ Tif

new year resolutions...

(in no particular order)

1. to blog regularly ("ha, ha, ha.....ha, ha, ha", okay...funny, funny, that's enough, you can wipe the tears away and refocus now)

2. to become a fabulous cook, (don't even attempt a single "ha" at this one)...embracing the two vegetarians living in my fold...and to achieve a household not unlike 'the darling buds of may'...

3. to thrift only once a month (gulp)...to break my addiction. i have already used this month's worth up, so it's 'cold turkey' until february. (i'm deep breathing into a paper bag as i type this one...) and more to the point, 'blog about' it...

4. to stop putting up pics of my 'where have you been all my life' chair and 'miss indie' more than once a week, for fear of becoming 'dull'...

5. to only shop 'handcrafted' and 'secondhand'...this may prove tricky for the kids birthdays, but i am already thinking a nice knitted 'cozy' for our 4's 'game console' would make a lovely gift for when he turns 11 in May. on second thoughts that could be the defining moment in his life when he realizes he is looking forward to leaving home...

6. to reduce my chocolate intake by a drastic amount, so far i have clocked up 16 days in January and i have put away 10 crunchie bars, 2 curlywurlys, 4 dark flakes and 1 large bar of cadburys...not to mention my daily dose of chocolate spread on toast. this is a disgrace, i am forty years of age, i need to grow up and become responsible for my actions. i have reached an age when i must start to take better care of my 'body' and fight the aging process...so let it be known from this day forth i will limit myself to one chocolate bar on a friday and saturday night... (a little pause whilst i grab my paper bag again)

7. to finish painting out all brown wood trim at the shed, including the skirting boards...this may go some way to explain my 'missing in action' the past two weeks...and also to paint all walls 'ultra bright white'...having just finished the lounge/dining area a few days back, i looked around to admire my work. our #4 came in and announced his approval..."oh yes this is much better, it reminds me of something, oh that's right...one of those fancy airport lounges" i am happy to take that as a compliment as apposed to our #1's comment which was "ummm, i see we are really embracing the 'insane asylum' look for this season"

8. to become a 'chicken' owner...and dress accordingly at all times...i am thinking chunky boots, woolly tights, old overcoat over the top of a dressing gown...wild hair tamed by a knitted beret...all with a vintage slip peeking out below. a few blocks from here, i saw a little 'old dear' feeding her cows in the field, she was dressed in such attire and i could tell she was at 'one' with her animals and they appreciated her 'wild and woolly' look...

9. to pull my socks up with 'dottie angel' and really make a 'plan of campaign' for her future...

10. to try hard to remember every day what a 'lucky duck' i am and to embrace the last few years i have left, before our first born 'flies the nest'...

she's wishing you all a 'happy new year' and has a 'tale to tell' on Tuesday about 'her man' and his 'christmas gift' ~ Tif