the adventures of Tif's man and the rainforest...day four...

why Tif had insisted on setting the alarm for 4:55am was beyond him, she had said that if they needed to be sun screened and bug sprayed at the breakfast table by 5:30am then her and the girls required 35 minutes at the very least...

he was now sharing his cabin with three children as his youngest no longer felt 'safe' with his mother, sister and the beetle. he had spent most of the night being kicked in the back or elbowed in the head...why was it the smallest of children still manage to take over most of the bed and end up sleeping diagonally across it, leaving very little room for anyone else...

the door to the cabin opened and in walked his 'ever-so-young' wife (what a lucky man he thought)...her hair looking strangely like she had put her fingers in a plug socket for rather too long...then again he thought to himself, if i screw my eyes up she could pass for when we first met all those heady years ago, end of the 'eighties' in her white stilettos and amazing big frizzy hair do...

the boat arrived to pick them up at 6am...this was the day he had been waiting for, the reason for dragging his family along to this part of Costa Rica...he had listened to the grumbles and the groans of

"so why didn't you think to pack the camera strap?"...

"well i'm okay, i've got my sunglasses...i didn't think you needed me to pack everything for you"...

"what do you mean we don't have a watch, surely out of six people one of us has a watch"...

"are you sure there won't be any need for a flat iron where we are going?" (oh yes dear readers, do you think he said "no" to the last one just for a laugh?)...

Tif's man knew it was all worth it for today was the day they would be venturing into primary rain forest. their guide was the same guide from yesterday's snorkeling adventure, obviously he had drawn the short straw again this morning...all things considered 'Felix the guide' seemed very chipper anyway...

the boat headed along the headland to the Corcovado National Park...and along with them came a whole ton of rain clouds. once on dry land (ha! not for long) they spent the first hour trekking through secondary forest and then reached the primary forest, not a lot of activity creature wise, most of the noises were coming from his four children...when a family has breakfasted at 5:30am it is quite standard for children to believe by 9am that they are going to collapse and faint at any given moment without nourishment...his wife was looking much better either.

Felix was a hardy guide, obviously use to travelling great distances with very little in his stomach, he understood English very well and was fully aware that food was in order for this 'non hardy' bunch. one minor detail, they didn't have any with them, it was all back at the little lodge on the beach...so the next few hours went by with children complaining, the animals and insects refusing to be seen and a party of six traipsing along the beach (short cut apparently) towards their lunch box...

and then the rains came..."not to worry" said Felix, "i am sure after lunch the rain will clear up and we will head to the waterfall and see many things"...sadly Felix was not right in his optimism and after one hour of taking shelter it was decided they would walk to the waterfall anyway...and so once again six 'pathetic' souls and one 'guide' went forth into the pouring rain.

after what seemed an age and a lot of "why are we here again, did you know there are very nice cruises apparently in the Caribbean?" they made it to a 'stream'...the word stream is used loosely here, with all the rain it was now a river, which according to their guide needed to be crossed...

"i'm not going across that" piped up #4 child,

"oh, it's fine you can hold on to my back and i'll swim across" Tif's man gallantly offered

"nope. no. not a chance"...

"i know", Felix suggests "why doesn't your dad show you how safe it is first"

do you think i am completely nuts, Tif's man thought to himself, but before he knew it he was up to his neck, fully clothed crossing the river whilst his family looked on "see it's quite safe, nothing to worry about, now i'm coming back and you can hop on my back"...

as he climbed out of the water, dripping from head to toe his youngest child stood there with big tears in his eyes and said "i can't do it, i just can't" and of course his mother's heart melted and she said "i don't think it's going to work dear, we'll just have to go back the way we came" at which all of his family made a hasty retreat back down the muddy path leaving him to empty his boots full of water and squeeze out his heavy cotton shorts "why did i put on my non cotton shorts today of all days" he muttered to himself along with several unprintable words...

back at the lodge they waited for their boat, the rains stopped and then waited some more...

he was a disappointed man, there were no two ways about it...back at the cabin later on in the afternoon, his children now happy on the beach he told Tif "i had so wanted to see some wildlife today, two monkeys and a spider just isn't enough"...

she replied all to swiftly he felt, "i know,i know, it's terribly sad but we have tomorrow, maybe it will be better...in the meantime get out of those wet things and go join the kids". he changed into his only other pair of shorts that had been drying on the balcony from the day before and headed out the door...his wife called after him "i'll catch up with you in a minute, i just have to try and fix my hair"...

two minutes later he rushed back into the cabin, tore of his shorts and started stamping madly on them..."what's got into you?" Tif called from the bathroom.

"only a load of bloody biting ants"...

she's a busy bee painting the bathroom ~ Tif

the adventures of Tif and the rainforest...day three...

it was nothing short of a small miracle Tif thought to herself the following morning,

to find herself, her man and their four children, dressed, sun screened and bug sprayed sitting eating breakfast at 6:30am, it had to be an all time record. little did she know at that point it was going to get earlier the next day...

the day started with the alarm going at 5:50am...leaping (okay, that bit is a little exaggerated) out of bed in the bungalow that she was sharing with her #2 and #4, she failed to check her appearance before taking the boardwalk to the cabin that contained her man along with her #1 and #3.

"morning" she said to the kitchen staff as she past by...were they sniggering at her inability to speak spanish she wondered or maybe her interesting flannel pj's with the little birds on...it became quite apparent when entering the cabin and being greeted by "oh my lord, what has happened to your hair" that it was not her lack of spanish or delightful night attire but the fact that she was now sporting a hairstyle rarely seen since the invention of perming rods and the '80's look' that became so popular in her youth...being savvy about these things, Tif knew the 80's were almost vintage now and so she embraced her Leo Sayer look and went forth to breakfast...

the reason for their early rise was due to the fact everyone seemed to get up early in Pirate Cove, something to do with the heat of the day and setting of the sun.

all the tours started after breakfast and so it was at 7am, Tif and her little troop were on the beach waiting for their ride...

the boat pulled up and they were soon heading 12 kilometers out to a small island that for now has escaped her memory (ah, the signs of approaching 40)...they were destined to 'snorkel', a thing that Tif had never done before and after experiencing it probably will never again.

she was told afterwards that there had been all sorts to see under the water...several different types of fish, a large turtle and some sharks but all Tif was aware of at the time was a awful sense of 'panic'...she seemed unable to deal with being so out of her depth at sea, the need to breath through her mouth without swallowing half the sea and also the feeling of claustrophobia. after what seemed an age and the poor guide using all of his patience, Tif was deposited on the nearest beach to join her #4 child while the others all went off and had a 'much better' time without their rather 'crappy at snorkeling' mother...

that evening overcome by the exhaustion of trying to 'stay alive at sea' and eating delicious food prepared not by herself (bliss if ever it was) Tif retired to bed at 7:30pm...but not before insisting to her youngest child that the big gigantic flying beetle in the bathroom was quite happy to stay where he was sleeping and would never venture into their bit of tented bungalow...11:00pm a storm came crashing all around, the waves seemed to be within inches of the flimsy door and the rain was doing it's utmost to come inside to play...added to this was Tif's youngest with his flash light sending out an S.O.S. signal in the hope of being rescued...

"the beetle has disappeared, i think he is in my bed...we need dad, please,please go and get dad"

"you must be barking mad, i am not leaving the safety of this tent...goodness knows what is lurking outside making it's web to catch me in...it's pitch black, pouring with rain and you are just going to have to sleep with the beetle...think of him as a friend, just like Billy's beetle"

somehow she knew that wasn't going to do the job...

Tif spent the rest of the night in her little bed with both her #2 child and #4 child huddled up next to her wondering if it possible the beetle could get lost in her hair and never be seen again...

the flash light still flicking on and off beside her...

to her knowledge, her child had never learnt morse code so she could only presume that instead of asking to be rescued he was probably more likely saying "any insects, poisonous or hairy, who require shelter from the storm, come on in"...

she's going to try better with the blogging next week ~ Tif ("yeah, yeah, heard that one before")

dear 'guardian angel of doors'...

i am writing to kindly ask you a favor.

for sometime now, actually let's make it clear...for what seems like an 'age' but really is five days and four nights i have been 'holed' up in a space destined to be our #3's bedroom. dearest angel, let me tell you this isn't just any old bedroom but the first 'my very own' bedroom of my 'soon to be a teenager' child.

i, along with my man who kindly did the 'ceiling bit' due to my jippy back and neck, have rollered to within an inch of my life and brushed 'dark wood' until my little knees begged for mercy...

i allowed myself to vacate the room only for eating and sleeping purposes, by 'day three' i required a headscarf to cover the tell tale signs of unwashed hair...my 'household' has gone to pot and my little blog woefully neglected...

yet at last, you find me on a Tuesday morning with a completed bedroom.

"pray why do you need me?", i hear you ask...well it is quite simple, i have painted three coats on the door which has taught me a valuable lesson. i do not like six panelled doors in the least, they are fiddly, time consuming to paint and are enough to send even the 'sanest' painter round the bend...this is where you step in 'dearest guardian of freshly painted doors', i have calculated there are sixteen more of these dreaded six panelled doors calling for a paint brush. could you, would you, pretty please protect this door and keep it safe so that by the time i have completed all the other doors in the shed i will not have to start again...and if possible could you call on your friends 'guardian of window frames' and 'guardian of freshly painted walls' and put a good word in for me...i have no intention for the rest of my days of living at mossy shed to wield my paint brush in our #3's room again...however i will go in from time to time to gaze at the view from his window...

yours kindly and with high regard for your very important position in the 'guardianship' world, Tif

a small miracle...

i must interrupt the quite frilling, ney, gripping adventures of 'Tif and the Rain Forest' to bring you breaking news from the shed...for some who know me quite well, it is perfectly acceptable if you wish to shed a tear of joy at my news. i will not keep you in the dark any longer...

i have cooked a risotto

not just any old risotto from a packet or a risotto made of left over moldy things lurking in the back of the fridge.

no, a risotto from a proper book containing proper recipes and using all organic ingredients...(i have left a little pause here, so you may recover your composure).

i believe it may have something to do with my newly 'made over' kitchen, (remember how dark it was) and quite possibly also from seeing Gladys out the window sending me good vibes.

this can be the only explanation for such a turn of events in my culinary disasters. now i realize i am not necessarily ever going to have such success again but at least on my grave stone it can be marked

"here lies Tif,

daughter,

wife,

mother,

crafter

and for one day,

a cook..."

so dear readers i did a lot of chopping, some dicing, and what seemed an eternity of stirring. this last bit explains why i did not record this moment for prosperity, my little arms were too weak at the time to lift the camera. i served up my 'offering' to the 'four hungry' children and one man, i felt a bowl of risotto looked a bit lonely so chopped a quick salad for on the side.

(is it shocking that in nearly 18 years of marriage and 16 years of motherhood, i have only just attempted to try such a dish?)

i feel if there is one thing i have learnt from my experience of cooking a risotto is that to avoid comments at the table like "is it suppose to be crunchy?" or "what's the gritty bits that keep getting stuck in my teeth?" one must cook it for longer, therefore i need to start working on strengthening my upper arms before my next attempt.

but we will not let those 'words' cast a dark shadow upon the small miracle that happened to me and my cooking one faithful evening at mossy shed...

she is wishing you a weekend full of sunshine and empty of mice ~ Tif

the adventures of Tif and the rainforest...day two...

Tif awoke the next morning delighted to find that her hair had somewhat flattened in the night and her razor was safe and sound in her man's bag...she looked over her meagre rations of clothing and decided on a suitable outfit for flying in a small airplane. She had read before on many an occasion that to pack a 'capsule' wardrobe properly the number one rule was 'color co-ordination'. therefore her few clothes that she had brought with her all came from the color group of 'sludge'. apart from one blue sundress which she packed just in case the need arose to 'dress up' for dinner. (ha ha ha)

her family started the day with a hearty 'american' breakfast at the great institution 'Denny's' and then headed quick smart over to the local airport where they waited and then waited some more. they couldn't help but notice the 'lack' of security compared to flying international. when it was time to board the small aircraft that seated only twelve people it took all of Tif's will power not to shout "oh my god, we are going to die"...but travelling with children on airplanes for many years has taught Tif that one does not do that sought of thing else one is responsible for putting the 'fear of flying' into impressionable little minds, which according to the rules, is not 'good parenting'. so for years she has just sat in silence doing 'breathing' exercises at the slightest hint of 'turbulence'

once in the air Tif asked her youngest child "do you think they know what they are doing?" after all they had given safety instructions in both english and spanish, neither of which appeared to sound any different and she was none the wiser of what to do in an emergency. she closed her eyes, sucked on a candy and thought of mossy shed.

forty five minutes later the plane had arrived at Drake's Bay, she had been informed by her man that the only way to get to Drake's Bay was by plane or boat. it appeared to be a very basic runway for landing but she admitted when the plane had come to a halt that indeed the 'men upfront' knew what they were doing.

their 'ride' was waiting and soon they were heading down a dirt track towards Pirate Cove, noticing on the way many a horse and dog ambling by the wayside. the air was hot and humid, Tif knew just by 'touch' that her hair was beginning to 'swell' but strangely she did not care, there was something lovely about embracing this 'laid back' lifestyle after all the hectic few months at mossy shed.

and so their second day of traveling came to an end, fresh food and comfy beds awaited them in a cabin and a bungalow made of wood and fabric separated by a boardwalk...nestled just above the beach. overcome with heat (nothing new there according to her man), Tif went to bed at 7:30, her only mistake that day was to fall asleep with wet hair...and as for 'the couple' next to her cabin, their only mistake was to be 'honeymooning' at the same time as Tif and her family...

she's had a terrible fright on returning to mossy shed. a mouse has taken advantage of her studio and it isn't pretty ~ Tif

the adventures of Tif and the rainforest...day one...

if you are sitting comfortably then i shall begin...

Once upon a time there was a woman named Tif who lived at mossy shed, she was knocking on the door of 'Forty'. Her man had already opened the door and passed to the other side...he told his 'ever-so-young' wife "it's time for us to see the world"...

now Tif was a not a traveller, although secretly she had wished for the life of a 'gypsy' when younger. her man told her to pack very 'little' as they were off to see the rain forests of Costa Rica. "it's going to be hot, you will only need a few things"...

she found this hard to believe and was quite dismayed as he removed half of their clothes from the bags. in the end she had to trust that he knew best after all Tif was not willing to admit that she did not know exactly where Costa Rica was. her lack of 'geographic knowledge' had always been a 'shameful secret' she kept to herself. (she made a mental note that day to become more globally aware...)

and so, one early morning in the last days of a freezing March...Tif and her unbeachified body along with her man and their brood caught an early flight to Phoenix. She did not care for flying and especially did not care for her seat in the very last row of the plane. the only plus she could see was they were all seated 'higgledy piggledy' thus resulting in only one child needing attention in close proximity to her seat ...

after reaching Phoenix and feeding the hungry hordes on junk food, it was on to San Jose...landing late in the evening to the feeling of warm air, a welcome respite from the cold she had left behind at the shed.

she sent a grateful prayer up to whoever was listening, thanking them that all the 'underpants' and 'bug spray' had made it so far. she was also grateful that her two eldest children had learnt 'spanish' for several years at school. although after a few attempts herself and the 'ridicule' that followed she wished otherwise..."why when you speak a language do you keep your english accent and pronounce the letters all wrong?" they asked their mother.

Tif knew this was because she had been taught 'the old school' way... one mumbles 'said language' with an english accent, if not understood then one must shout 'loudly and slowly' in english while flaying arms wildly around like in a game of charades. it had got her through life so far but obviously was not going to cut it on this trip...

and so Tif and her travel weary family bedded down the night at an airport hotel...a girls dorm and a boys dorm. she noted when cleaning her teeth that her hair on her head had doubled in thickness and wondered why oh why she had left the 'frizz ease' at home...

just before she drifted off, a 'slight panic' gripped her, did she remember her razor and if so where the hell was it...

she's thanking you for the lovely 'travel' comments waiting on her return ~ Tif