dottie angel

dear 'person who is in charge of rain drops',

i am quite sure this is not your first letter of complaint in 2008 but now august is drawing to an end i feel justified in penning this wee letter to you.

i was willing to put up with a lousy wet spring feeling like Noah...being a 'new veggie patch' enthusiast i thought the water was good for my little seedlings (obvious novice).

i put up with a lousy wet early summer but i confess your name was taken in vain on several occasions. i packed summery clothing for my journey home to british soil, saying to myself "surely the sun will shine some time soon, it's nearly july" (never had more foolish words been said).

i then packed my little bags ("such a lie Tif"..."okay, okay, rather large bags stuffed with thrift store delights") and returned back to the northwest of america knowing confidently that august would be roasting hot and lacking in rain...and once again a fool finds herself sitting indoors feeling like Noah and listening to "it's soooo cold" and "can't we put the heating on" to which the reply is "try putting some clothing on...oh sorry, i thought those shorts were a belt, they are so microscopic." (sorry to digress 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', i had hoped to make this letter short and to the point but alas i have stemmed my 'writing flow' for too long and you will just have to bear with me...)

let me get to the point, ("thank goodness for that" i hear you cry) please please could you cut me some slack and whilst you're at it, all those other 'lovely dears' out there like me who are looking at their summer frocks and sighing, who are on their third bottle of fake tanning lotion, who have broken down and bought a "how much!" bronzer for their faces in the hope of looking like a 'french sophisticated darling' and not a 'blotchy orange twit'.

if you could just give us a few weeks break so we can get some vitamin D, we will love you forever...(well for a bit anyway).

summing up the most waffly letter of all waffly letters ever written i leave you with my list of reasons why i need you to 'stem the flow'...

1. i have purchased a rather natty looking oil cloth to add to my 'fiesta' al fresco feel, it is not getting enough 'use for the cost' for my liking...

2. i didn't plan to have my newish french doors closed in August, i also did not plan for them to start warping...(okay here is the bit that i go and ly down taking some deep breaths...perhaps hoping for Colin Firth by my side to comfort me at this moment of upset)...

3. mossy shed has stood proud like a gray battle ship for many a year, i have resided in her fine walls (some rotten but let's not dwell on that) for eight months, she is due a new coat of finery, but unless you chose to stop this 'rainy nonsense' her new coat will not be happening...if not for me then stop this madness for mossy...

4. i am not the culinary expert i wish to be, but i think it fair to say that anyone can do something with a ripe tomato...even i know how to chop them and add a bit of dressing, but i lack the knowledge of what to do with green tomatoes. i grew tomatoes in the hope of a short cut to meals, throwing them on a plate and shouting "voila" for all to admire at the table (that would be my 'al fresco' table by the way). i don't want to spend hours in the kitchen reading a recipe for green toms, only to hear "oooh, i don't do green tomatoes" when the time comes to eat...

5. sandals with socks is a 'no no' in my books...please (i beg you here) do not make me resort to wearing such items in need to get my 'monies worth' from this year's summer purchase...i plan to approach my 40's with a look of 'creative yet age appropriate' attire...socks with sandals does not fit into this category...

i think that's about it, not short, not to the point but to put it in a nut shell, 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', give us all a break and stop the bloody rain, (ooh and while you're at it, take the slugs away as well)

yours sincerely,

Tif aka Noah

she's overwhelmed by your greetings, and is beaming despite the rain, thanking you kindly ~ Tif