if you are sitting comfortably,
then i shall begin...
once upon a time in a far away land
lived a little wooden monkey.
he was a happy little wooden monkey
who liked to spend his days high above the jungle floor
playing in the trees.
the little wooden girl monkeys thought him quite the best swinger in the jungle.
this made the other wooden boy monkeys rather cross.
one day as the little wooden monkey was just doing his thing,
a branch broke,
landing with quite an awful thud.
as he lay there dazed and confused
he could hear chattering coming from above.
to start with the little wooden monkey thought it was
the great monkey gods in the sky talking to him,
but no it was not.
it was the naughty wooden boy monkeys laughing
for indeed they were most wicked
and in their jealousies
had weakened a branch
this terrible tragedy
to befall the little wooden monkey.
worse was still to come,
as the little wooden monkey lay upon the jungle floor
he noted something different
for although he was face down
he could not smell the ground.
he touched his little wooden face
and a great sadness washed over him.
where once his lovely little wooden nose had been,
there was nothing.
early the next morning,
being sure no other little wooden monkeys would see him
and his 'ugliness'
he walked to where the great wooden wise owl was waiting,
for the wooden owl was so wise he knew the little wooden monkey would be coming.
and so he got up especially early
after much thought and consideration,
he told the little wooden monkey
there was only one hope,
he had heard of a place far far away,
a thrift store for little forsaken souls.
legend has it
that an eclectic woman of an uncertain age who goes by the name of Tif,
frequents this mysterious place.
often looking for little waifs and strays who may need some help.
the great wise wooden owl continued to tell the little wooden monkey
that legend also has it,
Tif lives in a dwelling called Mossy Shed.
a place that it has been told
is a mecca for little forsaken souls.
all the time,
the little wooden monkey's eyes got bigger and bigger
the very next morning
the little wooden monkey stood exactly where the wise wooden owl had told him to wait.
and then he waited a little bit more
just as he thought he could wait no more
a large shout came from the trees.
the little wooden monkey turned to find
Eric the Viking
with his mode of transport
"hop aboard little wooden monkey,
it's time to go"
after many, many days and nights
the little wooden monkey found himself in Tif's thrift store
he was frightened
he was tired
he was still without a little nose.
he looked around him,
for the first time in days he started to feel normal.
for next to him was
a little ceramic bird with no tail,
and on the other side
a china doll with a nasty gash in her head and not much hair.
he watched as forsaken little souls
came and went.
he got used to being picked up
and put down.
he got used to small children
spinning his little arms around and around
until it hurt so badly
he wished to weep...
then one day it happened.
an hour before closing the little wooden monkey heard
the other lost souls start to chatter words of
"see, i told you she was real"
the little wooden monkey watched
as an eclectic woman of an uncertain age
perused the shelves.
she came closer,
she looked straight at him,
and then he felt himself being lifted up
in a rather gently way.
"little wooden monkey, how lucky am i to have found you" said Tif
upon arrival home at mossy shed
Tif's man asked
"any good stuff tonight?"
to which she replied
"what did you say" he called "only crappity crap?"
pulled out the little wooden monkey,
placed him on the table and said
"i think i struck gold"
several hours later
the little wooden monkey,
who's little nose had been lost,
who had travelled so far from the jungle
had a spiffy new dottie angel nose
knew without a doubt
he would live
happily ever after...
she is past the third coat and still the green mocks her ~ Tif