if you are sitting comfortably, perhaps with tipple in hand then i shall begin...
once upon a time in a cold, cold land lived Tif in her Mossy Shed with used dog and little olive.
trying to keep warm, Tif noted used dog and little olive had an advantage due to their warm coats of fur. Tif was a little bit at a disadvantage having lost her 'nostril hair of the worst kind' and thus feeling the extremities with her lack of fur.
whilst Tif kept herself warm by putting 'glee' all around the shed
the door bell rang,
"who can that be?" Tif asked her furry friends, her furry friends looked back at her with a quizzical look. for not many people ventured up to Mossy Shed's doorbell...
all three went to the door and as it was the season for pesky gnomes and other forsaken souls, it came as no surprise to find two such characters upon the doormat
"can i help you?" asked Tif gritting her teeth against the bitter cold.
"my name is Joe, this is my wife Mary" he pointed to a rather round colorful lady... "we were on our way to a special place but have lost our way. the cold is causing my wife untold trouble with her circulation. plus she is with child and told me not two minutes earlier, that she felt the time was close"
the two forsaken souls looked at Tif,
Tif looked at used dog,
used dog looked at little olive,
and little olive looked at the forsaken souls.
Joe continued with his tale of woe
"and so we are looking for a place to stay warm, out of the cold so my wife can rest a while and get her circulation going again"
Tif let them into the shed to thaw out...
a little while past and then Mary let out a scream
"oh Joe, the baby's coming!"
once again the two forsaken souls looked at Tif,
Tif found herself looking at used dog,
used dog found herself looking at little olive
and little olive found herself looking at the forsaken souls.
"okay" said Tif
"nobody panic, i've been through this a few times Mary and quite honestly i may not have a certificate to prove my capabilities but i do have a florence nightingale hat in the kitchen drawer. take some deep breaths and if there is one thing i learnt in my labouring moments. never ever call the unborn child, causing untold pain to the labouring mum, a cherub! for that mum in 'pain beyond all pain' does not see her unborn child as a cherub at that moment in time. by all means, afterwards call him or her a cherub but not when the mother-to-be is crying out, i'm going to die... for that is obviously not the time to refer to anything by the term 'cherub'... no Mary, i will not do that to you."
Tif quickly realized this was not the time for bitter recall and got busy finding her florence nightingale hat, which really was proving hard to locate under the debris in the drawer, all the time shouting out calming words of "breathe in, breathe out". when she turned back to face the little group, hat on head. she noted used dog, little olive, Joe and Mary were all breathing nicely, looking at her and waiting...
just then another knock at the door
"you go" Tif said to used dog, as she made Mary a little more comfortable
used dog found three pesky gnomes and their girlfriends on the doorstep along with a sheep and two chickens
"hey dog, is this the shed that beholds our chosen one" they asked, just as a baby cry came forth. "we are three pesky shepherds and have come to pay our respects"
used dog rolling her eyes heavenward, let them in
"it's a girl" Tif offered up, as the pesky shepherds and used dog entered the room.
no sooner had she done so then another knock at the door could be heard.
this time little olive went to answer...
"hello, i'm a wise owl, my brothers are at the pub down the road, thought i noticed a star shining brightly above your shed, unusual for daytime, made me think that something strange and glorious was going on... wondered if indeed 'the chosen one' had been born. i don't have a gift i'm afraid, 'cause i lost it playing poker, but i thought it might be nice to pop by and say hello anyway"
and so it came to pass that a trickle of visitors began to arrive at mossy shed that day, some remarking how 'the chosen one' resembled her mother and not her father. which Tif, used dog and little olive felt most unsuitable considering the enormity of the moment that had passed at mossy shed this christmas time
later that evening, before going to bed, Tif checked in on Mary and Joe, along with their little one. they seemed most happy with their new baby and dwellings.
"perhaps", Tif thought to herself, "this will be the year for peace on earth and goodwill toward all pesky forsaken souls around the globe"
and at that moment a chorus of sock monkey angels appeared and glory really did shine all around
she is out and about tomorrow, unearthing thrifty treasures for her secret santa, oh the lucky soul ~ Tif