Monday, February 2

letting go ...

this past weekend i continued upon my path of magical tidying up forever and ever. i am quite sure some folks and dearies are thinking "ummm, have you noted Tif's magical tidying up forever and ever is actually taking her forever and ever?" and yes, on some days i am thinking the same thing. however let us be fair, i did take off two months due to clan and holiday interruptions in-between starting my magical tidying up forever and ever and then picking up where i had left off to continue upon my merry magical tidying up forever and ever path.

this weekend was a big, 'terribly big biggy bit' of magical tidying up forever and ever, for i was magically tidying up dottie angel. i have been working up to it for a while now, tip toeing around her, creating gigantic piles in one space and then closing the door to the point eventually no door could be closed and no room could be got into. last weekend, (not this past weekend) i went into said room and i sorted, i sorted like i had never sorted before and after 2 full days things were tidy, in organized chaos, but not magically tidied up forever and ever. i thought this would be enough. i told myself this would be enough but over the coming days my heart and my head told me otherwise

and thus, this weekend i went back into the room which held eight years of dottie angel and i set to with magically tidying up forever and ever. for i knew i had reached a point for me to move forward, i had to let go, and can i tell you, this was not a thing i decided upon a whim, this has been inside of me for a long time. i have been working up to it without even knowing it, but i know it now and awareness can be a magical thing. with the help of my man offering to take things away without questions asked, i let the past 8 years of dottie angel go. i kept very few creations which still give me joy when i see them, that connect me to a time which makes me happy, however the rest my man piled high into the back of the car and took to Goodwill. i felt it quite apt and surely most fitting dottie angel wares and other handmade goodness i have crafted over the years for our home should end up on the shelves of despair, to bring a little joy to another thrifty hunter going about their secondhand hunting day. a chance to be loved again, to find a bit of happy out in the world.

i would be telling a gigantic fib if i said it was an easy thing to do, for it was not, it took all my snoopy courage and some more. at one point i sat on the stairs with tears rolling down my cheeks, having my hand held from across the pond via text and Our #1. so many good peachy times, so many bad pants times from the past 8 years with dottie angel came flooding through as each and every creation, stitched from my heart was held in my hand for one last time. but can i also tell you dearest reader, never in all my days of dottie angel have i been so sure and i am positively beaming inside as i tippity tap this, for i have made space in my crafty cogs and my crafty heart ... i can see clearly again, no longer weighed down from the past. 

today i awoke, dottie angel still by my side. i noted, both of us a little wiser and both of us quite a bit lighter. 

when i let go of what i am, i become what i might by ~ Lao Tzu