Tuesday, February 2

the missing groove... continued

i asked the lady in the natty red vest who works at the thrift store if she had seen my 'little groove' upon her travels.
she smiled a smile that needed no words for it told me what she was thinking
"ah ha, another loopy fruit talking to me"

i came back to the shed, no 'little groove' beside me, and asked the two forsaken little souls upon my studio mantlepiece, if indeed they would care to help me locate my 'little groove'.
they said they couldn't possibly, as they were terribly busy being 'perfectly peachy'.


i said i understood and moved on.

i sat down
i got up
i paced
i fretted
and then
i sat down,
next to my crochet.
my crocheting stared at me and i stared at it...
it taunted me, i told my crochet i wasn't in the mood,
but it wouldn't leave me alone.
so i picked it up and in doing so dearest readers, i found my 'little groove'!
for it all became clear,
how silly of me,
of course, i left my 'little groove' within the folds of a growing blanket.

for this blanket is nearly a third way done,
it may on the outside represent a lustrous threesome between me, Dr Hook and Dorothy but it also represents something far deeper...

yes this little blanket,


in all it's jolly colorfulness represents
a 'change' that is 'a coming',
a change that i'm bracing myself for,
a change that i haven't seen the likes of, since becoming a mother eighteen years ago
a change that signals the beginning of a new chapter in my life

("blimey Tif, this is pretty epic!" i hear you exclaim.
"quite right you are dearest readers, nothing like a bit of drama where a 'lost groove' is concerned")

i know this change is 'a coming' for the letter Our #1 holds in her hands tells me so.
it tells me that her dreams and hopes are just beginning, that she has a place that wishes to share them with her,
a place called 'art and design' college.
at the end of August, the change in my life will begin.

i am so very chuffed for her, my little heart swelling with pride.
but i would be lying if i didn't tell you a little piece inside of me is aching
to bolt the door,
to lock the windows
and
to never let her go...

there will be no popping home for laundry assistance and a home cooked meal (albeit a rather dubious one).
for Our #1 has chosen to go back to her roots, crossing the pond to study in old blighty.
to move so very far away from my apron strings...

and that right there, i believe is why i lost my 'little groove' amongst the rows of a blanket.
for every stitch i stitch,
i am one stitch closer to finishing a 'blanket of the utmost kind' for Our #1,
so that she may take a 'piece of me' with her upon this journey

and i promise dearest readers.
i shall be good,
i shall hold her tight
and then
i shall let her go,
so she may create her own artistic footprint upon this earth,
with suitcase in one hand and a blanket in the other...

"enough" she says, tomorrow she will get her little groove 'back on' with Miss Ethel ~ Tif

63 comments:

kat said...

no! this growing up thing they do is heart-wrenching. you have me all weepy now.

congrats to her! (she typed through her mama-tears.)

RachelDenbow said...

Oh, I am sitting here reading your words and finally realizing how my own mom must've felt when I made that same journey. I spent a 'year out' in England in Leicester county after high school. When I came home I only left three months later for college halfway across the country. And I never 'got' how that must've felt for my mom. I think I should probably call her today.

Here's to another necessary but challenging chapter along the journey. It's a beautiful blanket!

Colleen Mole said...

Oh Tif! You must be so proud if your #1!!!

My eyes shed a little tear for your loss of child and gain of a very talented, soon to be woman. I wish you both the best of luck in your coming adventures!

(And I admit it...I'm a wee bit jealous of her trip across the pond for Design School. If only I were still a youngin')
-KnittingMole

Hear Me Roar! said...

This post made my eyes all teary!

louise35flower said...

I think this must be the hardest part of being a mum, I will face much the same thing in two years time. Make the most of every moment of the next few months and surely this is a good excuse to pay another visit to blighty yourself??

Calmil2 said...

Oh my, that made me tear up. My boys are only 5 and 2 yrs old and I already think about this day that you speak of :) That blanket is so special.
Harmony

lintu sininen said...

now my emotional day yesterday doesn't seem so bad. i registered Our #1 (and only) for kindergarten this fall. so hard to see them "go". anywhere. want to hold on too and lock the door. and yet i'm happy that she's progressing in her life journey. (i'm not totally insane either :))

Pepper Blossom said...

this made me tear up tif....mine are just starting out (4 and 1) but i think about what it will be like to let them go a little bit at a time until finally they really do leave the nest. so crazy that they are in our homes for such a short and important time.... i think the blanket idea is wonderful! she will love it on chilly english nights when she misses the shed.

( everyeskimo ) said...

there's nothing like a 'blanket of the utmost kind' to make a wanderer feel like home. be careful she doesn't pack up little olive in her wee suitcase and take her too! (i'd do my best to sneak her with me if i had to leave 'mossy shed'!) xo.

emma lamb said...

huge hugs to you my dear Tif, your #1 will be able to take on the world with such a granny blanket of the utmost kind... :)
emma
x

Mommarocks said...

This was so sweet.

Felicity said...

oh Tif poor you! If we British souls see an artful looking girl with a groovy crochet ripple wandering round town we will keep a look out for you!and bombard her with a million mummy type questions on your behalf! it could be like a dotty angel 'where's wally' not saying your daughters a wally, am desperately trying to think of another example to use but failing, am going to go with this one and hope you know what I mean, oh gosh wether to hit publish comment or not!

silverpebble said...

My eyes are a-leaking a little.

Kate Kelleher Blue Sky Butterfly Studio said...

Tif, my heart breaks for you. It is hard to let things you love go. I live in London, if she is near I can help, just give me a nod. I will go undercover, under a stale old blanket of my own should you so wish.

Norma said...

love the colors you're using on your wavy afghan. it really is turning out quite lovely and cheery.

emma said...

ah yes, I was lamenting the other day about how our eldest (who is currently 9.5) will move away from me one day (the other two, I'm not so sure), and how sad I will be on that day. Such a big thing, to realise they are no longer our babies, I can't imagine it right now. I'm sure that blanket will keep her cosy and warm.

Jo Archer said...

Ouch! I live in Northamptonshire and my eldest has only gone to uni. in Leicester, but that's bad enough. Don't worry, you'll find that those "apron strings" are very stretchy!

Tracy x said...

oh tif......
i am sending you many, many gentle hugs..
perhaps in time you will all come home x
t x

Kelly Ballard said...

Oh Tif,
This was so sweet and touching, I weep even as I read it.

Kelly
Second Hand Chicks

witchmountain said...

She will need your lovely blanket, and woolly socks,a hat and big jumper, oh and fingerless mittens for painting in frozen garret.Its chilly being an art student in England-even in August! Very best wishes, I hope she has a fantastic time xxx

Floss said...

Oh, Tif, no wonder your groove wandered off for a little pensive moment alone. Well done you for finding her again and striking out into this new territory!

Anonymous said...

thank you for this entry. it brings back my own bittersweet leaving-home memories and reminds me how wonderful my family is. they love me unconditionally, no matter what i do or where i go. i am blessed!

guessing that your #1 knows that, too, about your family.

sending congratulations and best wishes to you all at the mossy shed.

PixieBelle said...

Awwww, beautifully worded. My mum found it hard with all the moves our adventurous lot have undertaken over the years. Although she now speaks of her and my dad moving here to be nearer to us. I would love it.
I'm sure your #1 will love your blanket and it's many comforting folds.

Vic said...

Oh Tif, make me cry why don't you!

Don't you know it's a bit too early in the morning for this sort of thing, here I am, not yet even had my chai, and I am being assailed by raw emotion captured with just the right mix of eloquence & humour, and it's all just a bit too much.

My Pumpkin is only 2 but I fear this day like it is tomorrow...!

Apart from all of that, what an exciting adventure your #1 will be embarking on - WOW! Congrats to her, and hugs for you.

Bobo Bun said...

Oh my. Silly sod that I am you brought a tear to my eye by the end. A day I also dread, but also know is utterly important. That blanket is so significant and will be hel very dear.

Lisa x

Tara said...

My baby is only 18 months old - and I secretly dread the day she turns 18 years old. Of course I have all the hopes and dreams for her future and the promise that she offers the world; but how sad that we all must go out on our own - and leave behind our mothers. Of course that is why you lost your groove. Make every day count - as I'm sure you've done her whole life through.

Best,
Tara
http://elanvitalanthology.blogspot.com

Drewzel said...

That's lovely x

Toni Brockliss said...

Oh I feel for you.
My little man started kindy yesterday and I felt so sad.
As mothers, we want our birds to leave the nest, but we also want them to never leave.
Now I can understand when my mum used to get upset. She still calls me twice a day at 1pm and 7pm, ever single day on the knocker. I don't need a clock.
Keep making those beautiful blankets. Blankets of mothers love.....and if you are feeling grooveless again I think you better makes those yarn balls on sticks. I want to see what your magic fingers do with them.
x

Sarah G said...

Tif,

Glad to hear you found your little groove, though it sounds like you'll miss #1!
I always love your posts, they are so whimsical and your images are lovely. You've inspired me to join the challenge of the utmost kind and I will be starting today, February 2nd! (i've already added your button to my blog sarahegraves.blogspot.com) Thanks for the continuing inspiration!
Sarah G.

Sarah said...

Oh my goodness no wonder you have lost your groove! I would too. I dread the day my little chicks start to leave the nest. I had a bit of a moment whilst reading your post, feeling your sadness with you. Of course it will all be fine, but it must be a really hard thing to do, letting go. Thank goodness for computers and the phone!

Betsy said...

Wow! That is awesome!!
And the blanket is beautiful!

Jennifer said...

Congratulations to your #1. Ours are still little, I can't imagine how it will be when they are on the cusp of journey off. Your blanket is gorgeous and will be well loved I'm sure. Glad you found your groove.

April said...

ah....that just completely sucked me in....Oh life....best wishes to your #1....here's to finishing the blanket....you go !!

Melissa said...

oh what a great blanket, and mantel. love love love.

Sue said...

It's one of the hardest things to do as a Mum but she will never go away from you completely.

Sue

Jules said...

Grand Stuff Tif!
Good for No. 1 - good luck for her greatest adventure yet!
And - soooo pleased your groove was located at last! What a star you are!

Kristy said...

How excitingly scary!!!

En støvel og en sko said...

Hi Tif!

I came across your beautiful blog a little while ago, and fell completely in love with it. After this post I really felt like leaving a comment although I must really get away from my computer, to take my little son to the physio.
This was so beautifully written, what a talent, and the deep love for your child really shines through. My eldest daughter is 11, she is getting so grown up now, she prefers having sleepovers with friends although I plan a lovely eventful night in for the family. What to do?
Are you really a Brit? I lived in England for 17 years, but now live in the country I was born, Norway.
Well, I shall pop back to 'see you' again soon. It was lovely 'meeting' you - what an inspiration you are.

Love, Solvi

Patricia said...

Oooh that blanket is delicious. I made a ripple about 2 years ago. Honestly seeing those beautiful colours you have chosen, I really want to make another.

Roobeedoo said...

Congratulations to your Number One! My Number One son is at his University interview as I write - eek! I look on it as an opportunity to steal back the warmest bedroom in the house!

mamas collection said...

Ahhh. These growth rings...Painful, but always, always good....

Mollimoo said...

Tif, your post has made me cry! I know one day my little moo's will grow up & I will have to go through the same thing. If I see your little chickadee over here in England I will make sure she has her blanket upon her! x

richard&hetty said...

Note from a small island - we are bracing ourselves for the impending artistic onslaught

Elissa said...

and a lucky #1 she is too... with a mama of the utmost kind and a fab blanket to boot. how could she be anything but successful being sent off in that way?

Rebbie said...

Oh, I feel your pain. The youngest of my three daughters just finished sending out her college applications. And they are all for places far, far away. I guess we have succeeded in raising strong, independant young women and that was the goal, right? I weep.

m a r y said...

congrats to your #1 for attending Uni across the mighty pond! but v. sorry that she'll be far away. i'm trying to convince my hubby that we should move to England (some of his family and my family-friends live there.) xx

Work said...

sniff.

sigh. ah... the magic and heartbreak. I'm glad I have fourteen years, or so.

congrats to #1!

Anonymous said...

Wow!Congratulations! (Whereabouts in the UK? It's where I am)
Bella

dottie angel said...

my dearest loveliest readers,
once again you pick me up, blow my nose and wipe my tears... i am indeed the most fortunate of bloggers to have you alongside me in my journey through this world :)

Francesca said...

oh tif! you made me weep. this is further than the east coast and that was bad enough. oh my goodness, i'd like to cheer you up but my heart is breaking for you. now come on, pull yourself together fran.

Barbara said...

First of all that is the adorablest blanket that any girl could have made for her by any mother in all the world, lovely colors, lovely design. And it will be a great comfort in freezing England and all her friends will wish they had one too!

And all of us, your lucky readers, are sending you heaps of affection and support across the oceans and skies and this electrical internet wave (or whatever it is ..) Just think, if you weren't such a good mother your daughter would not be nearly brave and clever enough to do such a wonderful thing ...

Clare said...

Oh I hear the worry in your beautiful words. Bitter sweet feelings indeed. I attended my daughters GCSE options meeting this week and felt very emotional about that. Seriously...time goes so fast... its awful. I witness my daughter growing more independant everyday, and it is hard. My instict is to hold on so tight, impossible.

All I can say to you, as a mother, and fellow Brit is, it sounds like you've raised a tremendous and courageous young lady.

England (the whole uk) really is a magically place to be and grow artistically. Every corner is rich with culture.
But I don't need to tell you this.

Your blog buddies will hold you up when you wobble, much love x

jules said...

tears.

tears, tears, tears.

thanks for the mush. :) just what I needed.

Lori ann said...

this was so completely lovely and dear. i know just how you feel, i've just done the same with my baby. there were lots of tears, both sad ones and joy ones. oh life. so glad you found your beautiful groove.

Leanda said...

Oh Tif... what a wonderful story! I'm about 18 years away from this moment, a little one growing inside me, but I can relate to it even now! Just be assured that your beautiful daughter (for she is quite beautiful) has acquired all these amazing creative gifts from you, I have no doubt. And she is going to the best place in the world to train (proud grin)! All the best to her. And you just keep your groove now :)

Stéphanie said...

Lovely pictures ! I adore your blog !

Fran said...

Oh my. I've just discovered your blog. I have been touched, greatly amused, impressed and elated all in a matter of minutes, just by reading through your most recent posts. I love the fact you use mostly acrylics............as someone who suffers allergic reaction to wool, alpaca, mohair etc. and likes to regularly and easily (read machine) wash my handmade goodies I prefer acrylic yarn too but often feel 'cheap'. Well no longer I tell you, I'll continue to use acrylic and do it with pride :)
PS. did I mention I love your blog!!!

The Little Ragamuffin said...

Oh gosh, I love when blog posts make me cry.

Elizabeth said...

Oh Tif, this one made me cry. I can imagine the pride/sorrow mash up. The blanket is the perfect cheery and comforting mix. It's a perfectly lovely thing to make.

Katie said...

Nothing like happy,laughy,saddy tears on a friday morning. You rock my cotton socks and I bet you do your daughters too. A quote comes to mind "Give your children two things, one is roots, the other wings"

Anonymous said...

Mummy, I love you and I'll miss you always and yes, I do hope you'll follow me back, you know? I'll have to get better at reading your blog so I can pretend that I still live in The Shed.
Love, #1

~ Junkyard Jennifer said...

I'm a bit behind and catching up right now... (That seems to be my mantra lately.)

I imagine this would be one of the hardest milestones of a parent, letting go. Being the oldest, I was the first in my family to leave home and I moved two states away--but it would be so much harder to move across the 'pond'. It was heart wrenching for all of us, even me, (I cried almost the entire eleven hour trip!) but I was SO excited to spread my wings and land where I'd so long wanted to live. And, years later, I still love it here.

I wish you and your #1 all the best in that bittersweet transition. It's such an exciting time in her life!

~ Jennifer

soisses said...

i want to live at your home! everything is perfect!