today i have dared to pottle outside the shed with my pins of paleness.
a thrift store pottle no less.
happens every single year,
waiting and waiting for Mr Sun to show his warmth
and then he does,
thus resulting in me shedding my woolly skin of tights
and revealing my 'pins of paleness' to the world.
to add to my woes of exposure
the recurring issue of my undies has reoccurred.
no longer held in place by my woolly attire,
they are once again left to their own devices.
several pairs past their due date of 'high elastic retaining' qualities
are far to great a risk to wear.
the others though, i noted with their elastic still intact
appear to be a little snug,
"how can this be" i cried with alarm,
twirling around to catch a glimpse of my derrière.
i froze with shock,
for there lurking below my back was a friend,
a fast growing friend,
a 'bottom of great proportion' had attached himself to moi.
he was not there before.
i do not recall inviting him to join me
in any way, shape or form.
but then all became clear
as i frantically retraced my moments
of the past six hibernating months of winter.
i turned 42 in september.
there should be a book out,
perhaps there is.
"what to expect after 40"
turning 40: you may wish to cry, this is perfectly normal behavior for some one leaving their 'youth' behind. do not fret, it will pass
turning 41: you will by now have got over turning 40, however you may notice odd things like nostril hairs appearing. do not fret, do not renew your glasses prescription, live in denial, this is perfectly normal behavior
turning 42: your bottom will grow, you undies will dig in and sadly, your chest will stay alarming flat, thus highlighting the 'grandness' of your derrière. do not fret, nor weep. this is perfectly normal behavior for a bottom of your age. chose not to turn around and try to glimpse said growing bottom, for two reasons, it is behind you and therefore out of sight and out of mind. and secondly being 42 you now also have a jippy neck and back and it would not do to 'put it out' due to trying to glimpse your large new friend hanging on behind
turning 43: you will wake up and find your knees have disappeared...
and so forth.
yes, how brilliant is that, do you see dearest readers,
i have totally forgotten my pins of paleness now
by focusing on something else,
albeit my undies and my bottom
and indeed my peachy thrift store finds
her lovely adopted auntie is coming for tea tomorrow ~ Tif