Wednesday, August 29

"i'll get over you, but it's going to take some time" courtesy of Gabrielle...

many years ago at the grand old age of seventeen i liked to dress in a very bohemian hippy style (some i am sure, would say i still do). when my meagre paycheck (life as a bar maid in a working man's pub) would allow me, i would head to the high street store Annoki (hope i got the spelling correct on that one). one such fine day while still living at home with my folks in the lovely city of Cambridge, i strode into Annoki with my doctor marten boots and thrift store postman's jacket on. waiting for me on the sale rail was a "stop me in my tracks" jacket with my name on it. it was perfect in every way except for the price tag. i still remember the mandarin collar, the color, the fit and best of all the wonderful embroidered pattern across the back. i didn't have a hope of affording it even on sale. i went home and later that night told my dad about it. he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and gave me the money telling me to go back in the morning and purchase it, if it was that special to me...i got up early and headed to the store only to find that it had been sold at closing time the day before. it was the only one, they would have no others.

i still get a pang in my heart whenever i think of that jacket knowing it would have served me well and probably still be hanging in my wardrobe today...sadly dear readers i fear i will have the same pang every time i think of the yellow house in years to come. it is not my destiny to live in it, i can't see that now but that must be what it is. if i lived in the olden days i would tell you "i am in a wretched state of despair" take myself to bed, have my servants care for me and dote on my every 'sigh' and 'whimper' but it is not the olden days and so i tell you "i am totally gutted" as i lie on my bed staring up at my ceiling fan wishing with all my heart that it had turned out a different story..

so in the words of Gabrielle (and please forgive me my sadness and my tears over a yellow house) i leave you with pictures of my packed away empty studio that looks and feels just like my heart...

"i know that it's over
but i can't believe it's through


they say that time's a healer

and i'm better without you


it's gonna take time i know
but i'll get over you


look at my life
look at my heart
i have seen them fall apart
now i'm ready to rise again" ~ Tif

26 comments:

Wren said...

oh, poor tif... i wish i had a little picture of someone with their bottom lip out because that's how i feel for you right now. so sorry you didn't get your pretty yellow house- maybe it means something better will come along.

wishing you smiles and luck,
wren :)

Francesca said...

tif, i'm gutted for you. don't even know what to say. if i was in the olden days, i would come round and make you a hot toddy...or two. or a margarita. did they have margaritas in the olden days?

it is destiny.
x

LucyKate Crafts said...

these things happen for a reason, always!. in my last comment about moving stories, i said that the house we were buying was taken off the market at the last minute, in the end we bought one that was in a right mess round the corner (location was the important factor here). but we had a house we were much happier with as we made it our own in doing it up, plus the garden got the sun, whereas the other house didn't.

sad for you all though, it is so disappointing when house moves fall through : (

Tracy said...

oh poo.....

janet clare said...

So sorry about your yellow house - you are 'in the depths of despair' as Anne of Green gables would say.
Glad my dress cheered you up a bit.
Make yourself the jacket - you can do it.

Sarah said...

I'm sorry you aren't able to live in the yellow house. :-(

Debra said...

Oh, so sorry. I feel your pain. Last August I fell head over heels for a little red farm house with her homey little kitchen, wood beamed ceilings, quirky crooked staircases, large center fireplace, and pretty gardens. I just knew we were meant to be together. Well, so much for what I know.... Alas, in the end she was to belong to another. I cried. A lot. But by October I had fallen in love with another...fickle thing that I am.
We are now happily nestled within her cedar-shingled walls, enjoying her light and loveliness, her creaky hardwood floors, high ceilings, brick fire place. Nothing like a new love to mend a broken heart.
Your house-love is out there. You'll find each other.
Best of luck on your journey.
Debra (The Recently De-Lurked)

Jerusalem said...

Oh how heartbreaking. I hate getting attached to a house and seeing it all fall apart. I have had the same thing happen to me before too. I am so so very sorry. You take as long as you need to wimper and sigh, we understand.

debbie said...

When you're up to it, just try and focus on what might be around the corner for you in life. Time is a magical thing indeed, wounds scab over and hearts get healed too. Fate is playing it's hand and even though it's not what you want, maybe there's a reason? Love you - big hugs. D x

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry tif :(

xo laura

hazeljoy said...

so you can't move eh? pants.
try to think positive, "chin up love" (as they'd say up north in yorkshire), and in the words of monty p - always look on the brightside of life...
also keeping a look out for a house - hazeljoy

Anonymous said...

Hi there Tif! Knowing how much you like "de-lurkers", I'm here to say so, so, so, sorry. I hope one day, while sitting in your fabulous home (with a detached studio space of course), you'll think back upon the yellow house and not even wince. In fact, you'll look around and think "this is so much better". For now go on and feel wretched, but also ponder all the possibilities for your newly cleaned studio. Thanks for all your inspiration.
-Kristina

dottie angel said...

thank you so much for all your 'love'...i have woken again with a heavy heart and your comments have made me feel it's okay to be grieving over a house...

Monica said...

Darn! That really hurts!So very sorry Tif...Everything happens for a reason (so cliche, but true). You'll find another perfect place for you. Maybe if you redo your empty studio will help heal faster. ;)

Junkyard Jen said...

Oooh, I am so sorry. My heart sank for you when I read your post. Have a good cry and wallow in the disappointment for just a bit. But, although you don't see it now, my mom always told me (when things I really wanted didn't turn out) that something *even better* would come along. (She was always right on that one). And it will for you too. I hope someday you'll be able to look back and wonder at how sad you were because you have found an even more beautiful place to call home. Wishing happy thoughts to you!

~Jennifer

jungle dream pagoda said...

I totally understand house attachment! My hubs thinks we are outgrowing ours,and I DON'T want a different house! Honestly,I wonder if a better home for your family is just around the corner(so to speak). I know when we are in a different home,it will be the one that was meant to be.

The Rose Room said...

Hi Tif, I am so sorry you and the Yellow House are not meant to be. I would still take to my bed anyway, olden days or not!
Take Care - Rachaelx

geriann said...

doll - you need to unpack mr. and miss s. machines and get creating...sew them blues away...i promise you'll feel much better...
geri

Gigibird said...

Tracy is right - it's poo.

We don't know all the details but now you have made the decission to move them keep'em peeled and look for something else.
Poor you.

Strikkelise said...

It's not fair!
I hope another one comes along soon.

I am Jen said...

I know this will not matter, especially when your heart is set on something. But there is a better home out there for you. It will come and you will have an awesome studio.

madrekarin said...

I'm so sorry about the yellow house, Tif. I'm sure there is a reason, but it will probably not be a comfort right now.
Maybe yellow was not your color. :)
Now, get in the studio and make something wonderful. The best creative moments come from anguish.

emily said...

Tif, I'm sorry!!!

This was such a lovely post about such a crummy thing.
xoxo

Hear Me Roar! said...

Buck up Little Camper! Maybe we should get together and drown our sorrows in a couple of wine coolers. I'll find you the perfect house and you can find me the perfect ma.... oh never mind. Maybe we can build the perfect house out of spare parts from the ReStore?!

Christine said...

That's crappy that you didn't get your house, it's difficult to accept something's not meant to be when you really really want it to be!! - Your house that's meant to be is still out there, and I'm sure its really beautiful! xx

Jane said...

What a bummer!
I read this post earlier today - I used to lust after Anokhi too and found some in a charity shop the other week.
I had been watching a shell of an Airstream on eBay for a week, it is totally daft, we don't have the money, it would be too much to restore.
Well your tale about the jacket, and the fact I associate you with airstreams, made me realise that it is the things I don't go all out for and lose that I regret.
I bought it - if you fancy a trip to Scotland you can come and stay.
Houses are diferent - we gave our all to try and buy various houses when we were looking to buy here. I had moved in to them all in my mind. Now I am so glad that we didn't get them. Thats probably not what you want to hear.
Of course its fine to grieve about a house,
J
x