Tuesday, January 20

revenge is sweet...

if you are sitting comfortably, and quite possibly with a choccy bar in hand then i shall begin...

"what can it be?" her man asked, busy shaking the 'craftily...ney, splendidly' wrapped gift that he found under the tree on christmas morning.


"perhaps it's a star wars clone trooper blah blah blah, i have been secretly hoping for"...
Tif gave a sweet smile, admiring her man's ability to be enthusiastic about his gift despite the onset of flu...

he got 'to work' unwrapping the gift, all the while muttering about star wars and then considering the weight of the gift, rethinking his initial 'guess' and realizing it wasn't going to be what he had hoped for...
sneakily, Tif had wrapped the gift in more than one layer of paper, adding to the anticipation of the moment...all the children sat rooted to the spot, putting aside their gifts...for they knew what 'treasure' lay below the wrapping and just like Tif, were looking forward to the reaction...

the final layer ripped from the box and before her man lay a gift to end all "crappy birthday gifts for the rest of her life"...

a toaster...

(dearest readers, i must just butt in here and say from now on in this little 'tale that needs to be told' it is quite possible for you to replace the word 'toaster' for the word 'panini maker' and yes honestly, we could be right back where this tale began on my 40th birthday)

"don't you remember, a few weeks ago you said we needed a new toaster...so i knew you would be delighted with it" hardly taking a breath and with an exaggerated, ironic 'happy' voice, Tif continued her 'pay back'..."oooh, and if you look it's chrome, which i felt gave it a retro feel which i know you like so much and also i thought it would be such fun to make toast on a saturday for lunch"
"very good" her man laughed "i understand"

(before you go, let me tell you this is not where the sorry tale ends though... there is a 'finale' to the 'crappy gift giving' moment)
thinking it couldn't get any worse, he took out the toaster from it's box only to find it's gleaming chrome exterior to be tarnished with finger prints and bread crumbs abound in the slots...it would appear his christmas gift had already been 'gifted' before...and returned

she's already broken 'resolution #6' ~ Tif

5 comments:

emma lamb said...

that will teach him! although i can't help thinking the 'crappy' gift giving saga isn't going to end there...

yay for chocolate!

emma
x

Judith said...

You win !!

lillybugsmum said...

My jaw totally dropped at the thought of the used toaster. My mother in law bought a coffee maker from Walmart that had coffee grounds in the basket. Gross.

Elizabeth said...

that's hilarious!!! am now expecting yummy tales of glorious lunches and dinners full of toast and panninis.

~ Junkyard Jennifer said...

That is hilarious! The fact it was used is icing on the cake.

P.S. Ironically my word verification is 'sucks'.