Wednesday, August 27

dear 'person who is in charge of rain drops',

i am quite sure this is not your first letter of complaint in 2008 but now august is drawing to an end i feel justified in penning this wee letter to you.
i was willing to put up with a lousy wet spring feeling like Noah...being a 'new veggie patch' enthusiast i thought the water was good for my little seedlings (obvious novice).
i put up with a lousy wet early summer but i confess your name was taken in vain on several occasions. i packed summery clothing for my journey home to british soil, saying to myself "surely the sun will shine some time soon, it's nearly july" (never had more foolish words been said).
i then packed my little bags ("such a lie Tif"..."okay, okay, rather large bags stuffed with thrift store delights") and returned back to the northwest of america knowing confidently that august would be roasting hot and lacking in rain...and once again a fool finds herself sitting indoors feeling like Noah and listening to "it's soooo cold" and "can't we put the heating on" to which the reply is "try putting some clothing on...oh sorry, i thought those shorts were a belt, they are so microscopic." (sorry to digress 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', i had hoped to make this letter short and to the point but alas i have stemmed my 'writing flow' for too long and you will just have to bear with me...)

let me get to the point, ("thank goodness for that" i hear you cry) please please could you cut me some slack and whilst you're at it, all those other 'lovely dears' out there like me who are looking at their summer frocks and sighing, who are on their third bottle of fake tanning lotion, who have broken down and bought a "how much!" bronzer for their faces in the hope of looking like a 'french sophisticated darling' and not a 'blotchy orange twit'.
if you could just give us a few weeks break so we can get some vitamin D, we will love you forever...(well for a bit anyway).
summing up the most waffly letter of all waffly letters ever written i leave you with my list of reasons why i need you to 'stem the flow'...


1. i have purchased a rather natty looking oil cloth to add to my 'fiesta' al fresco feel, it is not getting enough 'use for the cost' for my liking...

2. i didn't plan to have my newish french doors closed in August, i also did not plan for them to start warping...(okay here is the bit that i go and ly down taking some deep breaths...perhaps hoping for Colin Firth by my side to comfort me at this moment of upset)...

3. mossy shed has stood proud like a gray battle ship for many a year, i have resided in her fine walls (some rotten but let's not dwell on that) for eight months, she is due a new coat of finery, but unless you chose to stop this 'rainy nonsense' her new coat will not be happening...if not for me then stop this madness for mossy...

4. i am not the culinary expert i wish to be, but i think it fair to say that anyone can do something with a ripe tomato...even i know how to chop them and add a bit of dressing, but i lack the knowledge of what to do with green tomatoes. i grew tomatoes in the hope of a short cut to meals, throwing them on a plate and shouting "voila" for all to admire at the table (that would be my 'al fresco' table by the way). i don't want to spend hours in the kitchen reading a recipe for green toms, only to hear "oooh, i don't do green tomatoes" when the time comes to eat...


5. sandals with socks is a 'no no' in my books...please (i beg you here) do not make me resort to wearing such items in need to get my 'monies worth' from this year's summer purchase...i plan to approach my 40's with a look of 'creative yet age appropriate' attire...socks with sandals does not fit into this category...

i think that's about it, not short, not to the point but to put it in a nut shell, 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', give us all a break and stop the bloody rain, (ooh and while you're at it, take the slugs away as well)

yours sincerely,
Tif aka Noah

she's overwhelmed by your greetings, and is beaming despite the rain, thanking you kindly ~ Tif

11 comments:

Kelly McClorey said...

here here!!
it was kind of warm, not rainy, but rather dull here in england today...i've pretty much given up hope of summer + am instead looking at all those lovely new catalogues (toast etc) with ideas of autumn clothes! i hope you don't hate me but i rather like wearing socks and flip flops (only in the comfort of my own home...not to be seen in public of course!) xx

p.s. is it green tomatoes that get fried??

Tracy said...

Fried green tomatoes of course!
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Southern-Fried-Green-Tomatoes/Detail.aspx

Trust me-they're good

The Rose Room said...

too funny, I am so glad you are back!! Very nice sandals, I can see great potential for them, next summer! It will be like having a new pair of sandals all over again! Rachaelxo

Diane said...

Oh, it's good to have you back!

kat said...

well there you are! warn a gal when you are going to disappear for months at a time.

it's nice to 'see' you again, & no socks with sandals please.

Francesca said...

dear tiffany. moving from england to the pacific northwest was maybe not the best move if you are looking for sun. i have been to seattle, oh yes, it rained. let's get it over with and just change the seasons. let's call November - March Coldwet, and April - October Mildwet.
done.

ps nice gladiator-esque sandals. very spring/summer 08. i'm sure they will still be in in 09.

emma + spanner said...

Can I sign your letter too? Please?

I can see blue sky just now, but i know the second i step out the door it'll turn grey and drizzly...

I'm so close to giving up on summer!

~ Junkyard Jennifer said...

Cute sandals. So glad you're back to crack me up! Have I said that before? ;)

Sorry to hear about all the rain. I'm wishing some of our beautiful North Central sunshine to be sent your way!

Gigibird said...

I have always considered the sock sandal combination as one of the worst crimes against mankind until I discovered just how perfectly comfortable it is …..before anyone gasps in horror I have never given in to this - I learnt my lesson with elasticated waists….. don’t do it Tif not even for amusing photos…..one day you will be walking around Target and you will catch your reflection in a mirror and there will be socks and sandals on your feet with people pointing and whispering, “ there’s that Tif she must have tried it once for a photo then went over to the dark side”

Two Crofters said...

i too have been known, in the comfort of my own home, to don the sock / sandal combo......
it is due to the fact that my feet are generally in wellies so socks are a must - my feet then just slip so easily in to my sandals
what's a girl to do?

i hate to gloat (truly - i hate it), but we are enjoying a glorious Summer here in the North of Scotland.
they are saying that in our area it has been the driest Summer on record.
it was actually too hot for me to sit outside today - i actually took to my bed this afternoon for a siesta...
a siesta in Scotland - who would have thought it!!!!

sending sunny thoughts your way dear friend
t x

sarah said...

Those are the perfect brown sandals! In spite of (or maybe because of) the socks! Where did you get them from, if you don't mind sharing sources?!

Sarah