a pack of lies...

i returned from good old blighty several pounds heavier, this due to my mother's wonderful cooking, not sure how long i will keep my new found pounds as my cooking is at an all time low...however i know my weight gain to be true because of my bathroom scales...

i found these 'heart stopping' little scales on a 'jolly' to freemont a few sundays back...i like freemont sunday market, it is quite the flea market these days and there are some lovely little treasures waiting to be discovered.

my little blue scales were found in the local antique mall and had my name on them...on returning home i hid them, my man has become very in tune with the comings and goings of thrift store finds at the shed and so i have become a 'secret thrifter'.

when i bring home a treasure instead of rushing in to show all, so they too can bask in the glory of my 'find', i now leave my 'glowing delight' in the trunk of the car and wait until the house is empty of all occupants except 'used dog' who appreciates my findings and can keep a secret.

i then run out to collect my latest treasure and dash into the shed to find a suitable hiding spot. next i wait...sometimes waiting for several days until i bring my little treasure out from hiding and give it a new lease of life, be it with paint or fabric...

of course my man noticed the scales straight away..."oh my god Tif, what piece of crap have you bought home this time"...

"they are not crap" said i, in a tone of deep woundedness..."tell me how often in a life time does one come across old bathroom scales painted in a beautiful blue...it's a once in a life time moment and i couldn't pass them by"

"do they even work?" he scoffed...

"does it matter?" i replied "can i not just love them because they look perfect all battered and pretty in our tiny shower space? when i am old, chipped and a little bit broken will you not want me around, do i have to be perfect to be loved?" (yes, i know that was a bit over the top, but i felt it necessary for the sake of my little scales to have a chance of residing in mossy shed)

"okay, okay, so how much did you pay for them?" he enquired...

"damn" i thought to myself, a trick question, what would be too high to say...

"i hope you didn't pay over $10"...gulp..."okay so you paid over $10, tell me you didn't go over $14"...

ummm, gulp again "yep, that's what i paid"...making a quick retreat downstairs mumbling about needing to sort laundry.

dear readers, in eighteen years of marriage i am trying to recall having lied to my man and i can not, but my 'i love you like no other' bathroom scales have caused me to lie, (gasp, shock, horror)...is this it? have i descended to an 'all time low' because of my addictive thrift store ways...am i willing to jeopardize my marriage over the difference of a few dollars...when the thrifting bug takes a hold of you, it's a downward spiral and anything is possible.

at least he did not quizz me on the price of my other finds that day...a little foot stool for $15 and a curtain for $5, hand in hand they became a beautiful combination...

so for now i shall continue with my addiction, hiding the evidence in the trunk of my car and stashing them around the house when no one is looking, but i vow from this day on to be truthful to my man about the cost...i know that i paid $16 plus tax for my little scales (closer look so you see what i saw in them) and i know to me it was 'a steal'...i shout it loud and i shout it proud...

"they were worth every cent to me..."

she's wishing you sunshine for the weekend and missing her mum's cooking ~ Tif

dear 'person who is in charge of rain drops',

i am quite sure this is not your first letter of complaint in 2008 but now august is drawing to an end i feel justified in penning this wee letter to you.

i was willing to put up with a lousy wet spring feeling like Noah...being a 'new veggie patch' enthusiast i thought the water was good for my little seedlings (obvious novice).

i put up with a lousy wet early summer but i confess your name was taken in vain on several occasions. i packed summery clothing for my journey home to british soil, saying to myself "surely the sun will shine some time soon, it's nearly july" (never had more foolish words been said).

i then packed my little bags ("such a lie Tif"..."okay, okay, rather large bags stuffed with thrift store delights") and returned back to the northwest of america knowing confidently that august would be roasting hot and lacking in rain...and once again a fool finds herself sitting indoors feeling like Noah and listening to "it's soooo cold" and "can't we put the heating on" to which the reply is "try putting some clothing on...oh sorry, i thought those shorts were a belt, they are so microscopic." (sorry to digress 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', i had hoped to make this letter short and to the point but alas i have stemmed my 'writing flow' for too long and you will just have to bear with me...)

let me get to the point, ("thank goodness for that" i hear you cry) please please could you cut me some slack and whilst you're at it, all those other 'lovely dears' out there like me who are looking at their summer frocks and sighing, who are on their third bottle of fake tanning lotion, who have broken down and bought a "how much!" bronzer for their faces in the hope of looking like a 'french sophisticated darling' and not a 'blotchy orange twit'.

if you could just give us a few weeks break so we can get some vitamin D, we will love you forever...(well for a bit anyway).

summing up the most waffly letter of all waffly letters ever written i leave you with my list of reasons why i need you to 'stem the flow'...

1. i have purchased a rather natty looking oil cloth to add to my 'fiesta' al fresco feel, it is not getting enough 'use for the cost' for my liking...

2. i didn't plan to have my newish french doors closed in August, i also did not plan for them to start warping...(okay here is the bit that i go and ly down taking some deep breaths...perhaps hoping for Colin Firth by my side to comfort me at this moment of upset)...

3. mossy shed has stood proud like a gray battle ship for many a year, i have resided in her fine walls (some rotten but let's not dwell on that) for eight months, she is due a new coat of finery, but unless you chose to stop this 'rainy nonsense' her new coat will not be happening...if not for me then stop this madness for mossy...

4. i am not the culinary expert i wish to be, but i think it fair to say that anyone can do something with a ripe tomato...even i know how to chop them and add a bit of dressing, but i lack the knowledge of what to do with green tomatoes. i grew tomatoes in the hope of a short cut to meals, throwing them on a plate and shouting "voila" for all to admire at the table (that would be my 'al fresco' table by the way). i don't want to spend hours in the kitchen reading a recipe for green toms, only to hear "oooh, i don't do green tomatoes" when the time comes to eat...

5. sandals with socks is a 'no no' in my books...please (i beg you here) do not make me resort to wearing such items in need to get my 'monies worth' from this year's summer purchase...i plan to approach my 40's with a look of 'creative yet age appropriate' attire...socks with sandals does not fit into this category...

i think that's about it, not short, not to the point but to put it in a nut shell, 'dear person who is in charge of rain drops', give us all a break and stop the bloody rain, (ooh and while you're at it, take the slugs away as well)

yours sincerely,

Tif aka Noah

she's overwhelmed by your greetings, and is beaming despite the rain, thanking you kindly ~ Tif

"tomorrow"...

i say to myself, "surely tomorrow, i will find a little time to get lost in dottie angel's world" but alas dear readers (are you still out there?) tomorrow comes and before i know it 'tomorrow' has turned into 'yesterday' and my little blog lies neglected in cyber land...

but not today...oh no, 'today' will be the day that Tif sits down at her little desk and blots out the calls of "mum"... yes, she will over come her 'guilt' at leaving her readers 'high & dry' and yes, she will start to 'tippity tap' on those dusty keys...

i have missed you, you make me 'whole' in a way i can not explain...i know i should be just 'blogging' away for myself and my sanity, but in the end i have to tell you, it's knowing that you are out there 'listening' to me that makes me carry on, so if you can forgive my 'unforgivable' silence and allow me to carry on like i have never been away then i know i can 'blog again'...

so let me start by telling you i have had one of the loveliest summers, short of finding more sunshine, i don't think it could have been better...i went home for some 'care' which my folks kindly gave to me...i returned with a lovely dose of 'old blighty' in my heart and felt ready to tackle the final stages of the shed's remodel while spending the last of the summer with my kids and then to refocus on some crafting...(blimey, that's a right old 'rambling' ramble, a little bit rusty on the old 'writing' skills, i'm afraid...)

over the next few weeks i shall 'back date' a few things as quite frankly most days i was desperate to tell a tale or two and of course my children were not up for listening to their mother's ramblings for very long...

she's shouting out "hello" and hoping not to hear just an echo back ~ Tif